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Gay and Coming Out of the Closet

There are few set rules to this often harrowing experience, mostly there are merely guidelines based on the experiences of others, but from the knowledge of many of those experiences, including my own, this article has been written with an aim to help those considering “coming out”. Of the few rules there are, one hard and fast one is to always do what you think is best for you – but to do it considerately.

Another is that before even contemplating coming out to anyone, especially to your family, you do need to be absolutely sure in yourself that you really are gay. Don’t base anything on just a few pleasurable experiences you may have had with someone of the same sex.

Straight people do sometimes experiment (as many as two in every five males will have same-sex at some time in their lives – statistics that are a blessing to many a gay man) and they do often enjoy it – so be thoroughly sure before dropping what to some people might be a bombshell! Few will thank you later for a: “Whoops! I got it wrong!” Once you have completely accepted that you are gay then the whole coming out issue raises its ugly head.

You will find yourself questioning:

Do I really need to tell anyone? Should I try to keep it a secret?

Should I tell my parents? And if so – both of them, or just one of them – at least at first?

How about my brothers and sisters; the rest of the family; and my friends – should they all be told?

Then there’s the people at work – do they need to know?

Each person’s situation will be different, and only they will have the best idea of who, if anybody, they should tell. Some people will feel it is best to tell everyone – others to tell no-one. Some won’t want to tell either one, or both, of their parents because they “know” it would devastate them, or they would simply never understand, whilst others may conclude it is best to keep it under wraps at work.

With friends, especially close ones, you may think you know who you could, and who you could not, confide in. It is you and you alone who will be the best judge of each situation, but you will need to have done some groundwork on which to base your conclusions. An obvious way if you are unsure of someone is to pass a casual non-judgemental comment on something gay that is in the newspaper or on the television (there’s usually something around most times) to see how they react.

If you do decide to come out to someone, then this is no time to rush into anything. You will need to pick a good time to tell them – a time when neither of you are busy or are likely to be disturbed. Don’t be tempted to undertake the task when you, or they, are the worse for drink. Don’t prepare a speech or a lecture full of baffling statistics – just try to be your usual self and converse as you normally would.

Do try to get it across that your coming out changes nothing, that you are still exactly the same person you were before telling them, and that the only one thing that has changed is that they now know your true sexuality. Assure them that you still love them / like them / need them the same as you always have done, and tell them that you hope upon hope that they can come to terms with your sexuality and accept you for what you really are, just as you had to.

Do be prepared for questions, some of which you may not know the answers to – in which case be honest; don’t attempt to blag it. And do be prepared for the unexpected; for things to go badly wrong. They don’t often, but they can. If you are living with parents and you decide to tell them, then no matter how sure you may be that they will take it okay, it is sensible to have somewhere else lined up where you could stay for a while – just in case.

This is one reason why my advice for anyone under sixteen is to wait until they are old enough to leave home. That way there are no legal complications if it all goes terribly wrong, life becomes unbearable, and they need to spend a few nights away from home. A major reason for a lot of people coming out is to stop all those embarrassing questions like: “When are you going to find a nice girl and settle down?” As this doesn’t usually apply to anyone in their early teens, a time when most lads still go “out with the boys” and anything they might do is likely to be seen as a fad or a mere phase that they are going through, it is probably prudent to wait for a few years.

But whatever age you are, if you do come out and it does all go tits up it is imperative that you don’t get into a heated argument or a full blown row – be man enough to walk away. A little time will often improve matters, so make sure you stay in touch. Never burn your bridges. Worrying about how coming out might affect you, the way it may affect others sometimes gets overlooked.

Here’s a few issues regarding your parents that you may need to understand and address: It is natural for mothers to eagerly look forward to their grandchildren and, especially if you are an only child, they may feel they are going to miss out on a large part of their lives. Occasionally a father may feel that his masculinity has been put in question by producing a gay son and there may be some, albeit even subconscious or hidden, resentment that you have made it public knowledge.

Your parents, searching for a reason, may come to believe that you are gay directly as a result of them raising you incorrectly – they may hold themselves responsible and feel guilty. Unless you’re cruel and don’t care about your parents, these issues need addressing with a lot of love and support. Keep them involved in your life as much as possible, let them see that you are happy with your lifestyle, and be involved in their lives too, but do respect their wishes when it comes to meeting your gay boyfriends – some will want to meet them; some won’t in the early days but will come around to it later; and just a few will wish to carry on as if nothing had been said – with the word “gay” never mentioned again in front of them.

In the event the coming out to your parents goes really badly, despite any animosity you need to remember (for they will) that you are still their son. They may hate your lifestyle, they may not understand it, they may not be able to come to terms with it, but they will always love you as their son even though they may tell you different and not be showing it at that time.

Don’t give up on trying to build bridges – one day one will probably reach them. Whilst it is possible to come out to your parents, and sometimes even to the wider family, without others including your friends knowing about you, the reverse may not necessarily be as true. Unless you live away from your family and nobody that knows you works (goes to college / uni) where you do, in time there is a likelihood that rumour or word will get back to someone you would have preferred not to have known.

It only takes one friend to unwittingly tell someone, perhaps someone who has revealed an interest in you, that you bat for the other side for the word to spread like wildfire as they do their “Did you know…?” bit to all their friends and family. Remember: once you have come out, even if it is to only one person, you no longer have a secret and you must be prepared for others to find out about you at any time. For this reason I have always considered it best to come out to everybody, but you may feel differently.

There are some people who, when they weigh it all up, decide it is best for their circumstances to keep their sexuality a total secret and to not come out at all. It can work, but it’s not without some consequences. For years these people will have to suffer family and friends frequently asking them when they are going to meet the right girl and settle down. In time they may even find that strange liaisons are being arranged as they are invited to dinner parties and paired off at the table with an endless stream of left on the shelf girls.

It can all get a bit embarrassing, and when that doesn’t work, and there’s still no girlfriend in sight, at least one person will at some time come right out with it and ask them point blank if they are gay. What then? Do they lie to them, and thereafter really live a lie? And if they do, how do they feel about lying to their friends and family – those people who love them?

Sometimes not coming out can be as hard as actually coming out – only it lasts longer! I have particularly covered coming out to the parents and family most in this article because I believe them to be the most important – you cannot change your family whereas your friends you can, and probably will, change many times throughout your lifetime. If a friend can’t accept your sexuality, then how good a friend are they?

You are better off finding another friend. And anyway, if you’ve come out, or are coming out, you’ll probably already have a lot of gay friends, or be seeking them, so the loss of an old friend won’t matter that much. Every year gay people are accepted a little more, and so every year it becomes a little easier for those considering coming out. Nevertheless to most faced with the task the experience can still be very unnerving – a little like a first flight in an aircraft or a first solo performance on stage to a massive audience, but more so.

You know it’s all been done before; it’s done on a daily basis and rarely does anything go wrong. You know by all the odds that afterwards you will feel relieved, and proud of yourself – but even knowing all that doesn’t help you much. Some of the ways I benefited from coming out may help you: There was an instant relief that I didn’t have to hide anything anymore – I could be my true self.

No more did I have to look over my shoulder and scan the street before going into a gay pub; no more did I have to check out who was in WH Smiths before buying the Gay Times; no more did the pictures on my walls have to reflect the straight world – up went the hunks! And no more did I have to cringe in horror in case someone I knew saw the obvious camp queen cooeying hello across the street at me.

Then there was the pleasure of being able to tell a girl who had been after getting the pants off me for months that I was gay, instead of coming up with yet another excuse why we shouldn’t be doing it, and an even greater pleasure in putting on an outrageously camp voice (it’s not the usual me) to a good friend’s over-sexed and persistent wife who once more was playing tootsies under the table. “Dhaaarling! I’m gay and I don’t do fish suppers!” I screamed. He looked; she fled – and I was never bothered again.

Getting back to the more serious side, being completely out it was no surprise to anyone when I turned up at all the works parties with my male partner. No more did I have to find excuses and miss out on such things – it also started a bit of a trend as two others began to bring their male partners along too! And with my partner, as an out gay couple, we were able to go to both of our respective family’s celebrations, weddings, funerals and Christmas parties as a part of that family.

You could say that coming fully out allowed us to enjoy a normal life similar to that of any heterosexual couple – apart from that what we did in bed. All our neighbours accepted us. They loved our gay parties and barbecues to which we always invited them (some would even help out with the cooking and the preparations – we were no fools!) and they in return would invite us and many of our gay friends to their parties.

I cannot imagine living my life in any other way than being totally out and honest. What you see is what you get, and if you don’t like it – tough! I know that not everybody will feel that my way could be their way, but if they are considering it and think it might be for them then I am living proof that it can work.

There is so much I would not have done, and so much life I would have missed out on, had I remained even partially in the closet. A few tips: It will be easier to come out if you already have gay friends who will help and support you. If you have a boyfriend who is happy to come out with you (or is already out) it will be even easier.

If you are setting up home with a partner, and you are out to your parents, get your mothers to help you move in – they’ll do all the outing needed to the neighbours and give you a “legitimacy” – you’ll have no problems. Finally, and I believe the most important tip of all: Always try to live your life with compassion, but the way that YOU want to live it. It is your life and yours alone – and you are only given the one. To waste even a moment of it is to miss so much. Be lucky!

M. Knell

This article has been written by a gay man, one who has been out to all for most of his lifetime and during which time he has been a supporter of the Campaign for LGBTI+ Equality.

Where Is Gay Marriage Legal?

Gay marriages, often also referred to as same-sex marriages, have been a contentious issue all over the world, especially in countries, where both the debate and debaters are to interact at a very public forum. Over the years, many arguments have been put forward in support of and against the legalization of gay marriages, each based upon by a volley of opinions coming from different schools of thought.

When examining the nature of debate over the question of legality regarding gay marriages, there are three main generic divisions within which the arguments regulate – biological, social and religious. If we consider the biological debate, the arguments from each side are not unexpectedly novel or unique. Those opposed to gay marriage argue that homosexuality is against the natural norms of procreation. The male and female species are anatomically designed to interact physically in harmony to lead to the creation of human off-springs. In that sense, the sexual interaction between the same sexes is against the laws of nature, and thus unacceptable in the social context of a healthy living community. On the other hand, gay activists propose that for those people who do not consider the lack of ability to procreate a set-back in any way, a homosexual relationship and its legal acceptance should not be an issue. While there are multiple sub-clauses to these arguments as well, the gist of the divergence lies in the question of procreation.

The social and religious facets of this debate concerning same-sex marriages are largely so interlinked. People of the Catholic religious tradition belief that homosexuality is against the tenets of the Bible. Thus, those involved in gay relationships are in complete violation of the Christian religious ideology.

l. Therefore, homosexuality and its legal sanction is not in any way a rejection or violation of any religious sensibilities. Either way, since there is no way in which to come upon an interpretation of the Bible that shall be acceptable to both the anti-gay and pro-gay sects of the agenda, it is hard to reach any nature of conclusion on this aspect of debate.

The social aspect of the debate on homosexuality is somewhat linked with both the biological and religious debate. Those who are not in favor of legalizing of gay marriage argue that since homosexuality is ‘unnatural’ and ‘a desecration of Christian Dictates’, legalizing same-sex unions shall lead to the spread of this socio-sexual anomaly in society. Providing legal sanction to same-sex marriages shall cause more and more people to believe that homosexuality is not a deviation from what is healthy and desirable, thus leading to the degradation of society. Those in support of the legalizing gay marriage argue that sexual orientation may be either an inherent preference or a personal life-style choice. Either way, any free individual should be at liberty to indulge in a relationship of homosexual nature, just as people can free have heterosexual relationships. Since gay people are not in any way less human than heterosexuals, and nor do their relationships have lesser or more sanctity than those of the latter, there is no reason why their marital union should not be illegal.

While there is no end to the debate on homosexuality and its legal sanction. While the judicial response has been varied in different regions, there is a general trend of homosexuality gaining more acceptances over the past decade.

1. In 2001, the Netherlands became the first country to legalize same-sex marriages.
2. Belgium followed suit in 2003 and granted equal rights to same-sex married couples.
3. Canada, In 2005, the Canadian Parliament passed legislation making same-sex marriage legal nationwide.
4. Spain, Also in 2005, a closely divided Spanish parliament agreed to do the same.
5. After South Africa‘s highest court ruled the country’s marriage laws violated the constitution’s guarantee of equal rights, parliament legalized same-sex marriage in 2006.
6. In 1993 Norway allowed gay couples to enter civil unions, but it took until 2008 for a Norway to pass a gender-neutral marriage law.
7. In 2009, Sweden voted overwhelmingly in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage.
8. Iceland‘s parliament voted unanimously to legalize same-sex marriage in 2010.
9. Portugal has also allowed same-sex marriage since 2010, after legislation was originally challenged by the country’s president.
10. In 2010, Argentina became the first Latin American country to allow same-sex marriage.
11. Denmark‘s legalization came in 2012 after Queen Margrethe II gave her royal assent to the proposed legislation.
12. Uruguay passed legislation allowing same-sex marriage in 2013.
13. In 2013, New Zealand became the first country in the Asia-Pacific to legislate for same-sex marriage.
14. President Francois Hollande signed a measure legalizing marriage equality in France in 2013.
15. Brazil’s National Council of Justice ruled that same-sex couples should not be denied marriage licenses in 2013, allowing same-sex marriages to begin across the country.
16. England and Wales became the first countries in the UK to pass marriage equality in 2014.
17. Scotland voted overwhelmingly in favor of of legalizing same-sex marriage later in 2014.
18. Luxembourg overwhelmingly approved legislation to allow gay and lesbian couples to wed and to adopt children that went into effect in 2015.
19. Finland approved a marriage equality bill in 2014.
20. Ireland became the first country to legalize same-sex marriage through a popular vote in 2015.
21. Greenland, the world’s biggest island, passed same-sex legislation in 2015.
22. The United States Supreme Court made marriage equality federal law in 2015.
23. Colombia became the fourth Latin American country to legalize same-sex marriage in 2016.
24. In 2017, Germany became the 15th European country to allow same-sex couples to wed.
25. In 2017, nearly all of Malta‘s parliament voted in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage.
26. Australia legalized same-sex marriage in 2017 after lawmakers enacted the will of the majority of citizens who overwhelmingly voted for the measure by postal vote.
27. Taiwan made history on May 24, 2019, becoming the first place in Asia to pass laws on marriage equality.
28. Ecuador‘s highest court approved same-sex marriage in a 5-4 ruling.
29. Costa Rica became the first Central American country to legalize same-sex marriage on May 26, 2020.

The column contains personal comments.

Gay Marriage

Gay marriage has always been a hot topic in the past and will continue to be as more and more people finally come out and reveal themselves. Even more celebrity figures have been more brave and have racked up the courage to come out in front of a national audience.

But what about the people, you know; the average straight people that exist in the world, how do they feel about gay marriages and homosexuality in general?

Some people believe it’s a sickness, some believe that it conflicts with the same religions.

How do you feel about gay marriages?

There are countries that allow and support it, why not the others? It will take some time for other states to catch on to the fact of “equality”. Discrimination is always brought up with the topic of gay marriages and couples. Homosexuality is a very emotional topic for most people and we do not mean to offend anyone who comes to our site and reads the information we have.

Throughout this site you will find more topics about gay marriage and factual data that is currently going on within the world and United States. Be sure to bookmark this site to follow up with us as we continue to grow.

Lesbian seeking gay man for marriage

The app, called Queers, allows gay men to connect to a network of over 4000 lesbians in order to enter into a ‘co-operative marriage’.

The agreement which is referred to as a ‘xinghun’ in China, operates much like the Western notion of a beard, whereby a person may date someone in order to conceal their sexuality.

Users of the app have explained a xinghun allows them to continue with the appearance of heterosexuality and conceal their sexuality from oftentimes conservative parents.

Although China decriminalised homosexuality in 1997, many of the nation’s older generation still view being lesbian or gay as a mental illness (China removed the classification of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 2001).

Founder of Queers, Liao Zhuoying said since the app launched two weeks ago, he has had over 10,000 users sign up.

Liao said Queers was a by-product of his company’s dating and meet-up apps, Gaypark and Lespark. He told the South China Post he had noticed a section of gay men were searching for lesbian wives whilst on his sites so he conducted a survey to canvas the needs of his community and Queers was born…

Online Gay Dating Safety

Much as I think online dating services are a great way to meet men, there is to a degree a darker side to these places. But then, you could also say the same about any other place that men go to meet other men.

However, one of the things about online dating services, pick up spots, chat lines and other similar places, is that quite often one is given either complete anonymity or the sense of anonymity.

Being anonymous can be nice, but with it comes an element of risk when it comes to finding dates online.

Personally, I have never had any major problems arise from meeting with guys that I’ve found on the Internet.

One of the reasons for such good fortune is because I’ve always used a pretty selective process in just who I’ll meet. I’ll admit that I haven’t always gone out with great guys as a result but I have been able to eliminate the truly questionable guys.

Lets face it; all sorts of people log onto the Internet and some of those people are just plain creepy to say the least.

I do know people that haven’t been as lucky as me. Fortunately, none of them met with actual violence. They did receive threats though; which was scary enough.

I’ve read a lot of “rules for dating safely” and here’s the problem I have with most of them…They’re mostly one sided.

For instance, it’s a little much to expect a guy to give you their phone number, (home and/or work) so that you can verify their story and existence, if you’re not willing to do the same. A lot of these tips or “rules” tell you to do just that — get their info but don’t give out your’s.

Here’s my general rule of thumb…If you’re not willing to divulge some aspect of your life or a specific about yourself; don’t expect to receive that type of information from the other guy.

The best piece of advice I can give you and one of the few hard and fast “dating safety rules” that I’ll give, is to use your best judgment and exercise some common sense; regardless of how you meet other men.

Other Safety Tips You Might Want To Consider:

• Ask for a recent photo of the guy; if you’ve got questions in your mind ask for photo ID.

A friend of mine was starting to have serious questions about a guy they had been chatting to online…When asked for photo ID, the guy emailed my friend an obviously doctored driver’s license. The friend decided not to meet the guy and the threats started pouring in…

• Agree to meet in a mutually chosen location; one that has a lot of other people around.

• Let someone know that you’re going on a date with someone you’ve just met. Give them, (a friend possibly) the “Who, What, Where, When” details.

• Write the details of your date down on a piece of paper and stick it to your fridge or someplace that people will find if the worst actually happens.

• Try and find out a little about the other guys background or life; that way you can look for any inconsistencies either before or during the actual date.

• Don’t go someplace or do something that you’re not comfortable with.

• Trust your gut instincts! If something feels or sounds fishy; don’t ignore it. Actually, this rule isn’t optional — this is the second hard and fast rule that I’ll give.

Remember, going on a date and meeting guys online is supposed to be fun but be careful out there so that you can keep on having fun meeting neat, interesting and sexy guys.

Gay Dating

Life is full of drudges and undeserved, I assure you, but there is still time this minute to whet your spear, cure your weakness, and make yourself a hero once again!

Dating for gays is a pesky dilemma. The hours you spend hunta’ the one (one more than one, in some cities) is meant to be consumed by the company you keep and the outings you create together (fect)! Yet when your muscles have gone tired and your heart has gone clammy, it may be best to deliver yourself unto the acquaintance just as a spear on a painted stone, an arrow at the ready. Do it Quick, but do it timidly. Dating for gays must not be grises en hautescé (hideous?) but instead, a fashion in progress. In other words, don’t try to be fresh as a daisy but instead, show the sausage coming at all.

Dating for gays does not have to be time-consuming but it sure does demand patience. It takes a lot of perseverance but then, the prospective of a true relationship will forever remain a hot potato in the mind.

Dating for gays does not have to be complicated, but it sure does demand its due. It is said that the first impression is the only impression, but shouldn’t that be applied to the various other possible aspects of a person’s personality? Coming late to an agreed meeting because you arrived at the wrong venue, a mistaken set-up or even a misstep on your part can be unforgivable. Being a person able to blend into any aspect of society while being an ardent and confident flirt is also something to be admired. Coming from a gay perspective, perhaps it can be generalized that,

1) being a closet hater is not the basis for dating;

2) self- trilogying is not acceptable when it comes to a good correspondence; and

3) hiding your sexual preference is a measure of emotional insecurity.

Dating for gays does not have to be painful. Hanging out a little bit, staying in the same part of the club, and even a orthodox wedding can give the gay individual an additional slew of confidence that is most sorely needed during the times when the individual is at his most comfortable. Alright, so the end of the date may have gone well, but the dating gay works his way through the miles to attain his goal during the initial stages of the relationship.

It’s an ironic phenomenon that the dating style adopted by so many gay individuals is one of the most common ways through which laziness has set in. Whenever every other person is having fun, catching the bar camper with his top on or coming in late for a screening, and yet when he stays loyal to the club he belongs to, his peers declare him as a guy who belongs in the “gal pal’s” circle, and not in the “woman’s” one.

No matter what method you may use to finally meat up for your chosen meat, be it a dance club, bar or as we, the ever righteous generation of gay, love to call it, the pleasure of dating for gays is to be found. Though hearing them say that love is blind, it seems that the ultimate Blind Faith gives the gay individuals the confidence to go on a sizzle.

Written by AI

The Female Attraction to Gay Men

However some of what seems to be positive attention about gay males seems to be negative in context. For example most females who view gay male dating is geared towards long lasting relationships. The idea that women engage in gay male dating for a short term sexual encounter and then expect the men to offer marriage in the next heat of the moment is a myth. It is further suggested that being gay is a poor choice of lifestyle because there is a higher than average failure rate in gay male relationships.

When viewing hit television shows, it is interesting that the gay male character is never the normalverse, whether it be through on-screen as well as off-screen relationships. Remember the resistance that gay males are met with, their families and peers does nothing to encourage them to fall in love with the partner they perceive them selves to be with. They usually must put up with the humiliation of being bread winners and providers in communities which they perceive themselves to be inferior. Whilst being Labrador to cute and loving pets and attending puppy HAS outings, the straight females are lesbians and have girlfriends for company and in comfort. It might be a comical picture but the gay male is usually left out in relation to the heterosexual dating partner. Lesbian couple is seen as being petite and delightsome and not the strong yet tender gender we perceive the gay male to be at times. Relationships are tiring and hard work and can be a hassle and a challenge and in the end, most daters opt badly for love over the partner that they perceive as being better for them.

Love is what a person must have for itself in order to give it the life to give to another person. Sometimes when the partner you have chosen is not falling for you, it is consideredImproper, and many millions of dollars is paid each year to settle claims out of court or tooodlesome couplewrong couplesout of relationships, where each of them thought that their pile controller was better than relational authority. These people have been exploited and thoroughly miserable. Con artists exploit human sentiments, love, trust, sexual preferences and family values using motives of greed. The burden of emotions like love is lighter for them than for individuals who are lonely or contented with their alternate lives. These people are less likely to engage in risky behaviors related to sexual behaviors and are less likely than heterosexuals to have homeless partners, or to engage in risk taking behaviors that could later lead to death.

It is mandatory that parents, together with a life partner, encourage their children to marry within their own sex and to reject social pressure to have sex with an extra gender. It is also mandatory that each individual family member acknowledge that the decision to have sex must be made by two people who have been interacting for some time and who are comfortable with each other, with the understanding that the couple does not know everything about each other. A child, and a single mother in particular, does not need the pressure from his or her father, or the fear of losing his father’s approval, or the rumors from neighborhood, school, work, and in the temperature of public opinion to convince a decision that is not theirs to make. The child, and the single mother in particular, should be able to speak freely and clearly with each other about the desires of the child and the relationship the couple has….

Gay Dating Tips: First Date Tips for Shy Guys

Going out on your first date with a guy or meeting a guy for the first time can be a bit of a nerve racking experience, especially if your one of those shy guys.

Let me tell you something; I’m one of those shy guys. But, this is one shy guy who decided that unless he did something about it, he was never going to get laid or have a boyfriend if he didn’t get out there.

Here’s my short list of the things that I have done or used in order to get over shyness, meet interesting guys and have a “successful first date”.

But first, I’ve got to tell you, that I consider every date that I’ve ever gone on a success. Why? For starters, I’m still alive to talk and write about it. And because every date, no matter how lousy or dull was a learning experience and one more date that I DID go on.

The important thing is to get out there and start meeting guys; start making friends and get off the couch or out of your bedroom.

6 Tips for Your Successful First Date

1. Have confidence in yourself, your abilities and that the date will go well.

Guys are attracted to guys who have or exude confidence. Confidence is about knowing who you are, what you want and knowing that you’ll get it.

2. Don’t think of it as a date, think of it as meeting someone interesting, for lunch, dinner, drinks, coffee, or whatever it is you plan to do. By throwing away the “date” label you can get down to just having a pleasant outing with the guy with no “date expectations”.

3. Relax and just be you. Trying to conjure up some sort of false persona is pointless, you might impress yourself for a second or two and maybe even the other guy for a moment; until he figures out its all hype or “bull”.

It’s OK to be you and if the other guy isn’t interested in you it’s no big deal, because there’s thousands and thousands of gay men out there.

4. Arrive a little bit early. I like to arrive at places a little early for a variety of reasons, but I’ve found it a helpful habit if I’m feeling a bit nervous or shy too.

When you’re going out to a restaurant or a coffee shop, if you arrive a bit early you can go to the washroom without deserting your date, compose yourself, fix your hair, wash those sweaty palms and relieve yourself if necessary.

Arriving a little early or exactly on time also means that you won’t be rushed and you won’t be puffing out excuses as to why you were late. It just makes things easier and less stressed initially.

5. Dress for the occasion and location. You don’t need to look like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy makeover, but if you dress nicely and appropriately for the occasion and the location, you’ll not only look great, you’ll feel great. You’ll be confident that you’re in the right attire for wherever it is you’re going out to.

And now, for my ultimate not-so-secret dating tip for shy guys…

6. Wear your “power underwear” when you go out on a date, especially your first date. If you don’t have a pair of “power underwear”, get some. The idea is to get something that makes you feel incredibly powerful and sexy.

I find that thongs in purple, red or black, fit the bill for my power underwear. They allow you to feel and be powerful, sexy, flirty, and confident; all the things you need on a date.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t end up in the sack or on the floor later on in the evening. Power underwear is something that can give the shy guy that extra little edge.

Wishing you joy and dating success!

An Arab Gay Experience

I was molested by several men when I was a child. When I became a teenager I became very religious and tried to block my gay fantasies, something which proved to be very difficult. At the same time I was reading a lot of English language publications, such as Time, Newsweek and the Economist. There, I found gay culture and at 19 I decided that I was gay. It took another year for my first adult sexual encounter.

I was in medical school at the University of Jordan. We were studying ophthalmoscopy, the science of how to examine someone’s eyes. A colleague proposed that we go to a separate room in the hospital to practice on each other, and we did.

Instead of looking at my eyes he landed at my neck and mouth kissing and biting. I said no but I meant yes. This started a sexual relationship. However, since he was the active partner, he considered himself straight and me gay. There was a little of psychological abuse there.

We lived at the second circle. I started walking at night like most people of the time between the first and third circles. Soon, I discovered people driving slowly behind me and would also follow me into side streets. One guy picked me up and we had sex that night. At the end, he offered me a five dinar bill. I felt like a prostitute and I threw the money in his face. He did not mean harm but I took an offence at it. The guy met me several times after that, I think he liked me but I could never forgive him and he knew it.

All my Arab encounters were with men who were either married or who married later. I felt that to be gay in a western sense is not yet an Arab idea. This was in the years 1983-1989. Please remember the confidentiality issue since I am not out to my family, although I think that they know.

The Following Was received by e-mail from a gay Arab

30.7.98 N.S. @ Ahbab

Gay Movies, DVD Films and Videos

Here’s some of my favorite “gay movies” that are great for those times when you just feel like staying at home and curling up with someone nice on the sofa. It makes for a pleasant evening of entertainment, and who knows… These movies have been known to lead to other pleasant activities afterwards

Adam & Steve

Adam & Steve is a twisted movie all about making love work-whatever the odds.

In the 1980s, Adam (Craig Chester) and Steve (Malcolm Gets) had a horrifically embarrassing one-night stand. When they meet again years later, they fail to recognize each other and fall in love-as do their wisecracking best friends (Parker Posey and Chris Kattan).

Another Gay Movie

In the dirtiest, funniest, most scandalous gay-teen-sex-comedy-parody ever, four gay friends make a pact to lose their virginity by the end of the summer…

But that’s easier said than done, as the boys face giant sex toys, naked celebrities, masochistic teachers and an uncontrollable romance with a quiche.

With a dozen jokes a minute and who’s who of gay celebrities. Another Gay Movie is a candy-colored romp where getting laid is all that matters!

The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green

Based on the popular comic strip of the same name this movie was a hit on the queer film festival circuit.

You think you have dating problems…

Ethan Green, the adorable professional assistant, attempts to make sense out of love, romance and everything in between in this romantic gay comedy.

Fabulous! The Story of Queer Cinema

The most entertaining gay history lesson you’ve ever had. Picks up where The Celluloid Closet left off! The superstars of gay and lesbian cinema shine in this amazing overview of LGBT film history.

Fabulous! The Story of Queer Cinema is packed with smart interviews and a tremendous array of film clips from the greatest movies of the genre celebrating more than half a century of queer independent filmmaking.

From Kenneth Anger’s pioneering, Fireworks (1947) to the smash hit blockbuster Brokeback Mountain.

Starring John Waters, Wilson Cruz, Guinevere Turner, Peter Paige, B. Ruby Rich, Gus Van Sant, Alan Cumming, and many more…

Brokeback Mountain

Ang Lee’s award winning and emotion stirring film, based on Annie Proulx’s short story is now available on DVD!

It’s the story of how two male lovers in the American West, during the 60’s are bound by their expected roles, how they rebel against them, and the repercussions for each of doing so.

This edition of Brokeback Mountain also includes some featurettes and interviews. A great addition to your DVD library.

Dorian Blues

If you like coming-of-age comedies then you might like watching Dorian Blues.

Dorian Blues is a bright, cheerful story about a small-town young man who realizes why he’s such a misfit — he’s gay!

Before his homophobic, Nixon-loving dad can throw him out of the house, he’s off to NYU where our hero encounters a new world of coffee houses, sophisticates and handsome men…(Sounds like a plan…)

Big Eden

Big Eden has won the audience awards at just about every gay and lesbian film festival there is. It’s also been labled as a great date movie, and I’d have to agree with that. It’s got all of the elements of a great “feel good, tear jerker, boy gets boy movie” — with some wonderful surprises and twists!

Henry (Arye Gross) is an artist living in New York but still carrying a torch for the guy he had a crush on in high school. When his grandfather has a stroke, Henry returns to his Montana hometown, Big Eden. Oh, and wouldn’t you know it, but Henry’s high school crush has since married, had children, and divorced–and seems ready to take some very different steps with his life.

Big Eden is one of those implausibly tolerant towns where lesbians kiss each other in public and old coots in cowboy hats try to play matchmaker with bashful queers.

Touch Of Pink

I enjoyed watching Touch of Pink when it was in the theaters so I’m going to get a copy of it for my DVD library.

It’s one of those comedic dramas of which there’s plenty of both in this particular movie. In fact at times Touch of Pink leans towards being kind of sappy; but in this case I was able to bear it.

The film explores the interacial gay relationship of a young, South Asian Canadian based in London and his English lover.

There’s an interesting plot device where Alim, (Jimi Mistry) is caught up in the romance, and dreams of old Hollywood that he thinks he’s living with the spirit of Cary Grant, (Kyle MacLachlan); That makes for some funny moments.

Trick

trick has been called “Magical”, “Sweet”, and “Engaging”, and I must say that the reviewers are right on all counts and then some.

The basic premise is that boy, (Gabriel an aspiring writer of Broadway musicals) meets boy, (Mark, a muscled stripper) on a subway and its lust at first sight – they are cruising for sex after all!

All they want to do is find a place for a quick tumble… and that remains their problem for the entire night right into the next day.

Throughout the night and during their cross-town Manhattan adventure/search for somewhere private, Gabriel and Mark’s relationship develops into something more than either of them had been looking for.

Tying the Knot

Tying the Knot is a critically-acclaimed film festival favorite.

This documentary is about the ferocious political battle in the US between gay people who want to marry and those determined to stop them.