Transgender News – Page 4

Trans Man & Non-Binary Guide

In this article, I would like to talk about the products that make life easier for us as much as I can and the products we use / will use. I think it will be a little long but it is worth your reading.

Most of us have body dysphoria, and it is obvious that we have difficulties in our daily lives. The “binder” comes first among the items that facilitate this. There are those who suffer from severe posture disorders due to chest dysphoria. Many things are used in order not to reveal the breast, but the safest and healthiest of them is binder.

What should be considered when buying a binder?

First of all, the fabric quality of the binder that is not removed for a long time (actually this is wrong) is very important. It should be a breathable fabric, it should not cause allergies. Frankly, there is no place that produces locally produced products with very pleasant qualities. If your budget is not enough to buy from abroad, you can review and buy the products on the “fmtsmalls” page. “Underworks” and “gc2b” companies from abroad are among the best. Many trans people prefer these companies. Apart from that, there are many sellers’ products on Aliexpres, you can choose by looking at their comments here. When using binder, you should try not to wear it for a long time. This is important for your health, in order to avoid allergic reactions on your skin and to prevent serious deformations in the breast structure. In addition, you should not use methods such as bandaging.

If you are still hidden from your family and want to use binder, you can keep it safe by keeping it between your clothes when you are not wearing it.

Our second product, called packer, is used instead of under-pants penis. When you want to show yourself as a man among people on the street, if you don’t want feminine lines to stand out, you can use what is called packer. Before the products sold, you can get help from the videos of making a sock packer at home, which you can easily find on Youtube. When you write How to make a packer, you will see many videos. Even if you don’t speak English, you can easily learn while watching. In addition, domestic and foreign companies produce packers that are realistic. I recommend that you pay attention to the fact that it is not too big when choosing.

Another product after Packer is realistic penises. These are divided into two or three functions for standing peeing and for intercourse. I think there may be many more details, but I do not have very detailed information. Especially if you are going to buy it for a relationship, I recommend that you allocate a good budget and buy a quality product. In addition, if you use lubricant during contact with these products, you should be careful that it is water-based, others damage the product. Using condoms is beneficial for your partner’s health, again, it must be water-based. You can also find many review videos on Youtube, and you can find hint articles on foreign forums. Just start looking for a great paradise for us on Google and ask to learn. I have to say that in realistic products, if you want double-sided pleasure, which is an important thing, there is an apparatus called the pleasure rod developed abroad to enjoy not only your partner but also yourself. You can get an idea by looking at the company’s products and their Youtube reviews. Copies of this product were published recently as a domestic production, but I always favor the original purchase of such things. My first suggestion for Packer and realistics is Peacock firm, RealMagik, TransGuySupply and FTMShopping are others. In addition, many underwear manufacturing companies also sell packers and realistic products. In Turkey, “transfromturkey” account and the newly established tugrealistic I would recommend to you. You can also find many product recommendations on trans pages on Instagram.

Unfortunately, there are no local companies for packers and realistics, as well as comfortable underwear use in our daily lives. There is no sector for trans people in our country yet. The firm that I recommend and my favorite is Rodeoh. You can see all products on their own sites and instagram. It has really high quality and helpful products. Pocket compartment for packer, special hole for intercourse, convenient use. You can understand when you look at the models. Unfortunately, the prices are a bit high for us, but you can talk and request a discount coupon. Another company only for boxer is Woxer. It is a company that started out and manufactures on the female body. Unfortunately, there is no domestic counterpart, but you can look at the models for the relationship and find solutions yourself at home. I guess you can achieve this by buying a narrow boxer, making a hole the size of the penis and stitching the edges? In normal boxer use, I recommend the brands John Frank and Jack Jones, whose designs I like, in terms of comfort and quality. They are really comfortable and do not bother the fabrics.

I want to say a few things about your relationships. Put ourselves in certain patterns

Article by @siriusea

Laverne Cox

Laverne Cox (born May 29, 1972) is an American actress and LGBTI+ advocate. Featured as Sophia Burset in the Netflix series Orange Is the New Black, she became the first openly transgender person to be nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award in any acting category. She is the first open transsexual shown.

In 2015, Laverne Cox won a Daytime Emmy Award for the Outstanding Private Class Special as executive producer of Presents: The T Word, becoming the first openly transgender woman to win this award.

In 2017, she became the first transgender person to play a transgender character on the TV broadcast as Cameron Wirth on CBS’s Doubt series.

The ‘Orange is the New Black’ star talks to The Hollywood Reporter about nearly quitting acting and why she’s chosen to use her latest awards nod to spotlight other trans performers.

When Laverne Cox turned 40 in May 2012, she was knee-deep in debt and ready to trade in the title of “actress” for “grad student.”

After 20 years of grinding out a career as a performer in New York, Cox had a conversation with a onetime co-worker from Lucky Cheng’s Restaurant & Bar, where she was working at the time. “They had just gone to school and were about to graduate from graduate school and they were like, ‘You need to go to school,’ ” she recalled. She agreed. “When I moved to New York City in 1993, I thought I would be a superstar in two, three years tops. That didn’t quite happen.”

Though she had some film and TV credits on her resume, it felt like the time had come to close the curtain. “It was a devastating realization. It’s like, OK, you’re 40 years old. Maybe that’s all God wanted for me in this business. Maybe this is all I’m supposed to do. Now I should just listen to what the universe seems to be telling me about this acting thing and try something else. Then I got this audition. It turns out that God had a different plan.”

That blueprint included a seven-year run playing Sophia Burset on the Netflix prison series Orange is the New Black, a role that has garnered the now-47-year-old three Emmy nominations for outstanding guest actress. It’s a historic feat — Cox was the first transgender performer ever nominated for an acting award — and one, she admits, she’s still processing. “The day it happened, I cried,” Cox told The Hollywood Reporter during a recent In Studio visit. “I was in London shooting a film [Jolt with Kate Beckinsale]. I was even more surprised about this one than the other two. If this is happening now, there has to be a bigger reason.”

Cox has decided that the reason should be for her to help shift the spotlight to other transgender performers in Hollywood. “The year when a show like Pose is on the air and I honestly thought I would no longer be the only trans person nominated for an acting Emmy. No other trans actors were nominated this year, I thought, okay, this is an opportunity to lift up those performances to talk about this,” she said. “Like, invite the Television Academy members to consider the brilliant work of some of the trans actors who are working on television. Certainly, you know, an Emmy should be about the work and the talent and what you’ve brought to the craft, but, you know, in 2019, why should there just be one trans person who’s been nominated for an acting Emmy?”

Even though it is her, Cox is not content claiming all the credit. “I share this nomination with everyone in our cast, in our crew. I love all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for seven incredible years,” she said. “Thank you, Jenji Kohan.”

Ellen Page Has Come Out As Trans & Non-binary

Elliot Page, the Oscar-nominated star of “Juno” and Netflix’s “The Umbrella Academy,” has announced he is transgender.

Elliot, formerly known as Ellen Page, addressed his social media followers saying:

“Hi friends, I want to share with you that I am trans, my pronouns are he/they and my name is Elliot. I feel lucky to be writing this. To be here. To have arrived at this place in my life. I feel overwhelming gratitude for the incredible people who have supported me along this journey. I can’t begin to express how remarkable it feels to finally love who I am enough to pursue my authentic self. I’ve been endlessly inspired by so many in the trans community. Thank you for your courage, your generosity and ceaselessly working to make this world a more inclusive and compassionate place. I will offer whatever support I can and continue to strive for a more loving and equal society,” he wrote.

“I love that I am trans. And I love that I am queer. And the more I hold myself close and fully embrace who I am, the more I dream, the more my heart grows and the more I thrive. To all the trans people who deal with harassment, self-loathing, abuse, and the threat of violence every day: I see you, I love you, and I will do everything I can to change this world for the better,” Page continued.

Page uses both he/him and they/them pronouns, and describes himself as transgender and non-binary, meaning that his gender identity is neither man nor woman.

Support Message to Brazilian Trans Community

Father Julio Lancellotti, a Catholic priest from São Paulo in Brazil, shared a photo of trans women on his Instagram account and spoke in favor of inclusion and equality.

“The fight against discrimination and prejudice is a never-ending struggle. We are all children of God. We must always admit and never discriminate ”

Father Julio Lancellotti’s support for the Brazilian trans community is nothing new, with more than 345,000 subscribers on Instagram.

The priest is known as a strong advocate of equality in Brazil. He has spoken many times in favor of the rights and equality of the LGBTI + community.

The 72-year-old priest has worked tirelessly for the homeless throughout his career. In 2018, she made a splash on social media by sharing a video of a homeless trans woman asking for forgiveness for all the horrors the Brazilian society has experienced.

Father Julio Lancellotti was praised by his supporters for promoting love and equality for the trans community, and even appreciated for his work by the Brazilian Bar Human Rights Committee in the past.

Glossary of Terms

Acquired gender: The gender role that a trans person achieves through the process of transition. It is the legal term in relation to the issuing of a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) which gives a trans person full legal rights in this gender.

Androgyn: A person who does not fit cleanly into the typical masculine and feminine gender roles of their society.

Attributed gender: The gender and sex that one is taken to be by others. This is usually an immediate, unconscious categorisation of a person as being a man or a woman, irrespective of their mode of dress.

Bisexual (Bi): Person capable of sexual and/or romantic attachment to person of either gender.

Charing Cross Hospital (CHX): Principal centre in UK for treating Gender Identity Disorder/Transsexuality.

Cisgendered: Person whose gender-presentation matches their birth gender i.e. typical man or woman.

Civil Partnership (CP): Marriage of same sex couples, legal in the UK, those that have transitioned and still with their partner have to annul their marriage and then have a Civil partnership.

Crossdresser (CD): Person who wears the clothing of the opposite gender on a part-time or full time basis.

Drab: Dressed As a Boy Wearing male clothing.

Drag: Wearing clothing of opposite gender (usually in theatrical context).

Drag King: Male impersonator Cross dressed female (usually in theatrical context).

Drag Queen: Female Impersonator Cross dressed male (usually in theatrical context).

En femme: From French term, meaning “in female mode”.

F2M: Female to male transgendered person aka FTM.

Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS): Facial surgery to alter a MTF transsexual’s face to make it look more feminine.

FTM: Female-to-Male transgendered person, aka ‘F2M’.

Gender Dysphoria (GD): Psychological term for unhappiness with ones gender.

Genetic Girl (GG): Genetically female woman, natal female. aka ‘RG’.

Gender Identity Disorder (GID): Official medical diagnosis of transsexuality, usually prior to ‘transitioning’.

Gender Recognition Act (GRA): Act of the Parliament of the United Kingdom that allows transsexual people to change their legal gender. It came into effect on April 4, 2005.

Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC): Legal document to change sex on birth certificate.

Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS): Surgery to change physical sex i.e. ‘sex change”. aka ‘SRS’.

Genderqueer (GQ): Person with a non-binary gender identity i.e. not male or female.

Genetic Girl (GG): Genetic female/natal woman. Please note: term may be offensive to MTF TSs as it implies that they are not genuine in terms of being considered real. aka ‘RG’.

Intersex (IS): General term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.

In role: Term used for TS’s, for MTF living as a woman or FTM living as a man, prior to transitioning treatment.

LGBTI: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex Overall term for non-heterosexual, gender-typical community.

M2F: Male to Female Transgendered person. aka ‘MTF’.

Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC): LGBT accepting denomination of churches.

MTF: Male to Female Transsexual aka. ‘M2F’.

Non-op TS: Non-operation transsexual TS who has transitioned socially to their new gender, but cannot have GRS (possibly due to medical reasons) or does not want GRS.

Passing : Perceived to be the gender you are presenting, rather than your birth gender.

Post-op TS: Post-operative transsexual – A transsexual person who has had Gender Reassignment Surgery.

Pre-op TS: Pre-operative transsexual – A transsexual person who has not yet had Gender Reassignment Surgery (may not be intending to do so due to factors such as health).

Purge: Term often used in TG community for transgendered people getting rid of their preferred gender role clothing & accessories.

Queer: Person with atypical gender/sexual identity.

Real Girls (RG): Genetic female/natal woman. Please note: term may be offensive to MTF TSs as it implies that they are not genuine in terms of being considered real.. aka ‘GG’.

Real Life Experience (RLE): Period in which a TS lives ‘in role’, prior to undergoing surgery. Is also known as ‘RLT’.

Real Life Test (RLT): Period in which a TS lives ‘in role’, prior to undergoing surgery. Is also known as ‘RLE’.

Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS): Surgery to change physical sex i.e. ‘sex change”. aka ‘GRS’.

SOFFA: Significant Other, Friend, Family, or Ally of a transsexual, transgender, intersex or other gender-variant person.

Testosterone (T): Male hormone for Female to Male Transsexual. Is also the hormone that is reduced as part of transitioning for MTF Transsexuals.

T*: Transgender Often used to avoid confusion with ‘T’, which is used for testosterone in FTM community.

T*Girl: Transgender girl Transvestite or MTF Transgendered person, aka ‘TGirl’.

Transgender (TG): Transgender issue, also, to be transgendered.

TGirl: Transgender girl, Transvestite or MTF Transgendered person, aka ‘T*Girl’

TS: Transsexual Person with Gender Identity Disorder.

Trans: Term used to abbreviate transgendered, the umbrella term for trans people.

Transition : Medical/social process in which a TS changes to their new gender.

Trans man: Female-to-male TS living in male role.

Transvestite (TV): Person who wears the clothing of the opposite gender on a part-time or full time basis.

Trans Woman: Male-to-female TS living in female role.

Transgender Definition, Transgender Meaning

Transgender syndrome is a congenital medical condition treated by university hospitals around the world. It is a physical (organic) condition that takes shape in the mother’s womb. The initial sex of the offspring in all mammals is female. In the second month of development in the womb, the sex of the baby remains female or turns into a male with the hormones secreted by the fetus. During this period, the sexual structure of that tiny body and brain is determined. This explains why males also have nipples that remain as traces of the original female gender.

Something goes wrong at this stage of fetal development, and the sex of the baby’s body and the sex of the brain will not be the same, that is, the brain remains female while the body is performing sexual transformation, or while the brain is transforming, the body remains female before it transforms. Research on the brain confirms this explanation. Autopsies performed on people born transsexual have shown that the gender of the brain is not the same as the sex at birth. (Part of the brain is different in males and females.)

It is not medically possible to adjust the consciousness to the transgender body. The solution adapts the body to the brain / consciousness. This process is called gender redefinition or gender correction. The procedure takes many years (such as epilation, talking therapy, hormone therapy). Also, the financial source of this transaction must be provided. Surgery is not the last step of the procedure.

Transexuality has nothing to do with transvestism. Transvestites are men who like to look like a woman, even though they are happy and content to be men.

Transsexuality is not linked to homosexuality. A gay man gets together with a homosexual man, and a homosexual woman gets along with a homosexual woman. They are proud of their gender and oppose surgical removal of their genitals unless they encounter cancer or another disease. Homosexuality refers to a relationship. Transsexuality indicates identity anxiety, not sexual orientation. Like other people, the transgender-born person can have a relationship with a man, a woman, both, or neither.

Transsexuality is not a mental illness. Psychiatrists and psychologists saw it as an illness and tried to treat it for years. But since this is not a mental illness, it has now been understood that it is not possible to be cured by psychiatrists. In fact, it has been observed that a transgender is more balanced in terms of mental health than other people.

Clothing and appearance are not a matter of taste for transsexuals The transgender person dresses up and dresses up specifically to be seen as a natural member of the opposite sex. This is a necessary part of the treatment and the person has to live in this role for at least 1 year like a member of the opposite sex until the operation is allowed.

A transgender is not a man who wants to be a woman, or a woman who wants to be a man. Although the identity card says that he is a member of a gender, before the treatment the person is neither male nor female, he / she is transgender. Because there is a discrepancy between the gender in the brain / consciousness and the gender in the identity document.

There is no cure for the syndrome other than gender reassessment. Until the gender re-determination stage, the person is considered to be medically transsexual, but after the procedure, he is no longer a transsexual, but simply a woman or a man.

It is unpredictable to what family a transsexual can be born into. You cannot know if your child or grandchild is transgender. The majority of sufferers spend unhappy decades trying insistently to live in the gender they were born with, like everyone else. So, when these people are questioned, they may even persistently refuse to be of the opposite sex. As the years pass and mature, they begin to understand what is wrong and with great courage they can attempt to change everything radically. Because no one becomes transgender over time, you personally know whether you are transgender or not. If not, you’d be grateful for that.

Untreated, transsexuals can go mad or even commit suicide as a result of the anxiety and depression they can’t handle, because no one can suppress their existing identity for a lifetime. Before surgery, 80% of these people seriously intend to kill themselves, try or actually commit suicide. After surgery, this rate falls to the level of suicide rates in the community.

Transsexuality is not a negligible situation. Often, he may lose his family, friends, job, home, savings and reputation for the sake of this treatment. It should not be forgotten that

Nothing costs more than their lives.

These losses are the result of society’s indifference to the issue. Being born transsexual is not their choice. This is not a problem created by him.

If you change your gender by surgery, you will fall into a transgender’s pre-treatment state. No one can be forced to live in the wrong sex, even a day!.

Trans Women in Turkey

Being a transgender in Turkey means carrying a burden on your life. Unfortunately, the situation of transsexuals in our country is very bad. society is not knowledgeable. families are not knowledgeable. Transvestites and transsexuals are only shown in our society when it happens. Transvestites are shown screaming and calling on the news. In a humiliating way. (‘The guys are on the stage again!’)

When this society watches these news, they realize that this is what transsexuals are all about. The society is starting to see Tu poop as an alien creature.

Unfortunately, nowadays, there are quite a lot of transsexuals who are locked up in their homes. They were afraid to go out. The fear of harassment, the fear of insult, the fear of violence… After that evening, let him do sex work. Transsexuals were taken to the police car without question…. “I am not a sex worker” is futile in the pattern. They are taken to the police station and fined for nothing. Moreover, a non-sex worker transsexual experiences this when she leaves the house to go to the grocery store. And they don’t even ask how they will pay this fine. “If you are a sex worker, work and pay ..!” is called. By cutting this punishment; It is not known whether they realize that they are pushing these people to sex work once again… As they are not given normal jobs.

Transgender people are murdered at a young age. Even his own brother kills his brother just because he is a transgender. What is honor.! His family refuses. transsexuals are condemned to live alone. You have no love and no family. These people are not given any other chance than sex work. Why because transsexuals! The others! Even when you want to rent a house, high rent is required. “You are transsexual, you have to keep that house, you have no other choice …”

This situation is really a deeply bleeding wound for our country. However, many things can be done. If families and society are informed, situations can improve further. But unfortunately, there is no one in a high office. Nobody wants to hear or ignore the voices of transgender and homosexual people reproaching….

In public, when they see a trans woman on the street, they are greeted with sarcastic glances, harassment, swearing, and greedy looks. People stuck with a theory that they don’t have it in my family, it can’t be transsexual. But don’t transsexuals have a mother or father family? Being transgender in the family means that this family is dishonorable?

People, society, families should be told that a transsexual can also come from their families. People should be told that this is not a choice, that it is not a wannabe, transsexuals are not guilty in this case…

In our country there are millions of gays, transgenders, transsexuals, lesbians….

There is just a blind report on transsexual murders. But when heterosexual individuals are murdered, programs are made for days, (of course, no human being deserves to be a victim of murder, even if heterosexual, (don’t be misunderstood) homosexuals should have the same rights.

Who knows? Who knows that one day your brother, sister, brother, child, will not be homosexual?

I hope that one day both transgenders can live humanely in our country.

Offered by Trans Azranil. 07/2013

Transgender Flag

It was designed by navy veteran Monica Helms, who declared her identity as trans in 1987.
Helms, who met Michael Page in 1999, argued that trans communities should also have a flag, and the trans flag appeared.
The idea on the flag is; The blue is designed to represent trans men, pink trans women, and the middle white to represent non-binary people
(who do not include themselves in any binary gender identity).
Apart from this flag, there are also trans flags with different colors representing individuals in the transgender community.
The transgender flag literally gained its popularity in 2013.

FTM Related Books

Here Is A List of Female to Male Related Books…

Bornstein, Kate. Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us. Vintage Books, 1995.

Bornstein, Kate. My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely. Routledge, 1998.

Brown, Mildred L. & Chloe Ann Rounsley. True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism-For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals. Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1996.

Burke, Phyllis. Gender Shock: Exploding the Myths of Male and Female. Anchor Press, 1997.

Califia, Pat. Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism. Cleis Press, 1997.

Cameron, Loren. Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits. Cleis Press, 1996.

Colapinto, John. As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl. Harper Collins, 2000.

Devor, Holly. FTM: Female-To-Male Transsexuals in Sciety. Indiana University Press, 1997.

Devor, Holly. Gender Blending: Confronting The Limits Of Duality. Indiana University, 1989.

Feinberg, Leslie. Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue. Beacon Press, 1998.

Feinberg, Leslie. Stone Butch Blues: A Novel. Firebrand Books, 1993.

Feinberg, Leslie. Transgender Warriors : Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman. Beacon Press, 1997.

Halberstam, Judith. Female Masculinity. Duke University Press, 1998.

Hewitt, Paul. A Self-Made Man: The Diary Of A Man Born In A Woman’s Body. Headline, 1995.

Israel, Gianna E. Transgender Care: Recommended Guidelines, Practical Information, and Personal Accounts. Temple University Press, 1997.

Jones, Aphrodite. All She Wanted. Pocket Books, 1996.

Kirk, Sheila M.D. Masculinizing Hormonal Therapy for the Transgendered. Together Lifeworks, 1996.

Middlebrook, Diane Wood. Suits Me: The Double Life Of Billy Tipton. Houghton Mifflin, 1998.

Morpurgo, Michael. Joan Of Arc. Harcourt Brace, 1999 (Children’s Book)

Nataf, Zachary I. Lesbians Talk Transgender. Scarlet Press, 1996.

Nestle, Joan. The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader. Alyson Publications, 1992.

Pratt, Minnie Bruce. S/he. Firebrand Books, 1995.

Queen, Carol and Lawrence Schimel. Pomosexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality. Cleis Press, 1997.

Ramsey, Gerald, Ph.D. Transsexuals: Candid Answers To Private Questions. The Crossing Press, 1996.

Rees, Mark Nicholas Alban. Dear Sir or Madam: The Autobiography of a Female-To-Male Transsexual. Cassell Academic: 1996.

Reit, Seymour. Behind Rebel Lines. Odyssey, 1988. ( Children’s Book about a girl who enlisted in the Union Army as a boy.)

Stringer, Joann Altman. The Transsexual’s Survival Guide: To Transition & Beyond. Creative Design Services, 1990.

Sullivan, Louis. From Female To Male: The Life Of Jack Bee Garland. Alyson Publications, 1990.

Thompson, C.J.S. Ladies Or Gentleman: Women Who Posed As Men, And Men Who Impersonated Women. Dorset Press, 1993

Valerio, Max Wolf. A Man: The Transsexual Journey of an Agent Provocateur. William Morrow & Company, 1998.

Volcano, Del LaGrace & Halberstam, Judith “Jack”. The Drag King Book. Serpent’s Tail, 1999.

Wilchins, Riki Anne. Read My Lips: Sexual Subversion and the End of Gender. Firebrand Books, 1997.

First Meeting with A Transsexual

J. B. writes:

> Having spent some time browsing the various posts in this group, I feel I’m better prepared to meet my transsexual cousin for the first time. However, I would be grateful for any advice anyone can give me. My cousin was originally male and is around 45 years old. I know he is currently undergoing hormone therapy but I don’t think he has had the surgery yet. I last saw him about three years ago and he gave no clue as to his desire to be female. His dad (my uncle) called me about 2 weeks ago with the news and I have to say I was a bit shocked. I’ve written to my cousin and he has replied with an upbeat newsy type letter. He has asked that I call him to arrange a time and place to meet up. I haven’t called yet and am rather nervous of doing so, yet determined nonetheless. I’m saddened that we haven’t kept in touch over the years (I’m male aged 34) and don’t want him to think I’m only getting in touch out of some weird curiosity.

First, your feelings are fairly typical for someone facing this issue for the first time. You can take some comfort in the probability that your cousin has encountered this before, and expects it.

Also, it is typical for many of us that no one else has a clue about how we feel or what we want, until we start coming to terms with it in ourselves. Again, your cousin will probably expect that you didn’t know; that too is normal. And shock is a fairly common first reaction. The closer you’ve been to someone, the more the shock.

You don’t mention whether your cousin is currently living as a female. In the U.S., one year of cross-living is required prior to surgery. If your cousin is now living as a female, then using her female name, and using female pronouns, would be most appropriate (and most appreciated). If your cousin is still living as a male, then ask what name and pronouns he/she would like you to use. (It’s OK to ask questions; your cousin probably expects you to ask a LOT of questions!) A time period of adjustment (for you!) to these changes is also normal.

It’s OK to be nervous, and it’s OK to be getting in touch with him/her because of this change in her life. It’s normal for family members to lose touch with each other, and to become closer when some event brings them back together again. The only thing that’s unusual in this case is the event itself! If getting together with your cousin brings up other feelings of friendship and past family events or issues, then you certainly won’t be coming across as merely “curious.”

The fact that you’ve already exchanged letters is a good start. As you call and as you meet with your cousin, I strongly suggest being open and direct and honest about your feelings, starting with being nervous. Feelings will be communicated whether you talk about them or not; it’s best to talk openly, so your cousin will know why you feel a particular way. It’s also a good way to address the issues in general; there are certain factual aspects about being a transsexual, but most of the issues that really matter are emotional. If your cousin can write an “upbeat, newsy” letter, then she’s probably ready to deal with the emotional side of talking with you.

Finally, thank you for taking the time and trouble to find out what you can before meeting your cousin, and for asking for assistance. I appreciate that you’ve done that! You’re off to a fine start as far as accepting these changes in your cousin’s life, and your attitude so far feels good and right to me. Good luck, and enjoy renewing your connections with your cousin.

firelily.com/gender/diane/first.mtg.html – 2002