Children – news.lgbti.org

Transgender Children: Making The Change Early

While not a common issue, growing up feeling like your body is the wrong gender is a struggle. About 700,000 people in the U.S., or 0.3% of the population identify as transgender in 2014. This often translates into stress for individuals and families because society has rigid guidelines for how it identifies an individual’s gender. In a shocking 2013 study, 41 percent of 6,400 transgender respondents claimed to have attempted suicide. Becoming who we feel we are is a very important journey; one seven-year-old A.J. (who’s name has been changed for privacy concerns) would go on much sooner than the average person.

A.J. was originally born a boy, but not long after A.J. turned 3, things started to changed. At the time, he wanted longer hair. Mother, Debi, claimed A.J. “screamed and fought when I got out the clippers and got one cut down the side … there were tears… like torture.” He did not feel comfortable in his clothes, frequently telling his parents he wanted to wear dresses and jewelery. The victim of constant harassment, A.J. said “When I first, in the fourth grade, cut my hair they called me he-she.”

At 4 years old, A.J.’s parents took her to their pediatrician, who declared the then boy’s gender identity did not align with her then body. While much happier now, her (A.J.) parents expressed great difficulty with the transition. Many of A.J.’s childhood friends have been distanced. Her parents have transferred her to a new school and guarded her transgender status with secrecy; something they plan to continue to do, fearing the discrimination their daughter could face.

A.J.’s story is truly a testimony of the power of love and family. Her family are not only Southern Baptists, they are also Republican and generally do not support things like transitional surgery/therapy. A.J.’s mother says they are in no way pushing a liberal agenda, and was quoted stating, “There is a profound difference between wanting to be something in imaginary play and in declaring who you are insistently, consistently and persistently. Those are three markers that set transgender children apart, and my daughter displayed all of them.”

Of transgenderism, A.J.’s dad said, “It’s not something we asked for. It’s not something we wanted. It just happened. My thought process all along is I would rather have a happy, healthy little girl than a suicidal, dead son.”

Dr. M. Mirza, LGBT Health Wellness – 2014

Children Raised By Same-Sex Couples Healthier

A study released out of Melbourne University in Australia found that children raised by same sex couples are healthier and enjoy a better sense of well-being than their peers. This study, called the biggest of its type so far, sought to “describe the physical, mental and social well-being” of children raised by gay and lesbian parents. It also sought to understand “the impact that stigma has on them.” In terms of family cohesion and general health, children of gay parents scored 6% higher than their heterosexual counterparts. Researchers also found that in terms of behavior, self-esteem and mental health, gay parent’s children were about the same as those raised by hetero parents.

Speaking on CNBC, Dr. Simon Crouch said, “It appears that same-sex parent families get along well and this has a positive impact on health.” Crouch is from the Jack Brockhoff Child Health and Wellbeing Program, Centre for Health Equity at the University of Melbourne. Crouch thinks the focus gay parents have on skill building rather than on traditional gender roles may account for the conclusion of the survey. Certainly, a more accepting and less discriminatory attitude in Australian society, as in other Western societies, may also play a role.

“So what this means is that people take on roles that are suited to their skill sets rather than falling into those gender stereotypes,” Crouch said. “What this leads to is a more harmonious family unit and therefore feeding on to better health and wellbeing.”

315 parents and 500 children participated in this study. Previous research has also found that children raised by same-sex couples grew up healthy with a solid sense of well-being. In fact, an earlier report out by the Williams Institute found that children raised by lesbian couples had higher self-esteem and less disciplinary problems. Another study conducted in 2012 entitled “Adolescents with Lesbian Mothers Describe Their Own Lives,” found that those teens raised by two moms maintained good GPAs. They also have strong bonds to their moms.

Dr. M. Mirza – lgbt health wellness .com – 2014

How to Help Your Trans Children

Transsexualism is a condition where the person’s body is one gender and the mind and soul or essence is the opposite gender of what they are physically born with. Indeed it is a proven to be a birth condition. In studies it has been determined that the size of the hypothalmus in the brain, in Male to female (MTF) Transsexuals (TS) is female in size and in Female to Males FTM’s it is male in size. It is the hypothalmus that govern’s ones sexuality. Many assume that being Ts is a matter of choice. It is not. It has nothing to do with religion or will power. It is a product of our enviornment and even nature itself. There are other species of fish and animals that are transsexual.

Besides who would choose this life on purpose? It is a life where most know what they are as their first conscious thought at the age of four or five that body and mind don’t match up. Interests are very different than others of the same physical gender. The MTF doesn’t want to participate in boy activities and the FTM doesn’t like girl ones. They truely feel they are the opposite gender of what their eyes tell them and you. Few will listen to their pleas to let them be themselves though.

Children instinctively know when one of their peers doesn’t fit in. Ts’s are bullied, taunted and ridiculed. Their lives will be hell at a time they should be happy. Many start to blend in out of self preservation internalizing their true selves. Many may not be whole for many years, if at all. Its like having part of you in a spastic coma, unable to respond. While all appears to be well with the Transsexual child everything is far from ok. The child may become depressed and lonley as he/she has no peers. When possible some may dress as their true gender when opportunity presents itself. This isn’t crossdressing to the Ts, but an expression of ones self.

The years pass until puberty arrives and the Transsexual childs Horror story begins. While most teens embrace their metamorphsis it is a living nightmare for the transsexual. All their body parts are changing into something most feel is monsterous and foreign to them. If they weren’t themselves before, they certainly are further away from that now. They are growing in a very wrong direction. At this age many start “cutting” away at their own changing body parts and limbs. The TS suicide attempt rate is as high as 50% at this age. Some will die without parents knowing why. The transsexual teen is painfully alone in his/her disfigurement. Even normal teenage self-gratifaction becomes extremely confusing instead of reassuring. Some may not be able to at all. They grow abhorent to their own bodies.

Many older transsexuals did not have a happy childhood. They were forced to be something they were not. Most were seen to be going through a phase. Children in a homophobic family are not going to confide in their parents. Mom and Dad are more worried about their children becoming “gay” and may try to reinforce the childs physical gender. It doesn’t work and often drives the child deeper into themselves and into dispair. Ts’s who make it to their 20’s and beyond often regret that their childhoods did not exist in their perceived gender. Some elevate the illusion of their physical bodies gender and sometimes even marry, praying that it all goes away. These marriages rarely work though. They are often left with the aftermath of puberty that will make passing in their true gender almost impossible. Many will need to face expensive body and facial surgeries in order to look somewhat believable. What about the 6’6″ MTF and the 5’1″ FTM? How do they fit in? Many are worried about this. Today many aging Transsexuals have had horriffic lives and are changing as late as the mid 60’s. Lives are shattered and reborn. Careers and relationships in tatters they face rebuilding often alone.

We now know that the earlier the Transsexual is treated the better their chances are for fullfilled and happier lives. Treatment can begin as early as when school age is achieved. The first step is to obtain a Gender Therapist for your child. They can help come up with a plan and goals to achieve. In some schools it is possible for a child to attend school in their true gender, with the therapists backing. As early as the age of eleven hormone blockers can be introduced to delay puberty after Tanner Stage 2. Cross-sex Hormones can now be given at age 16. Your teen wil develop as other teens in their true gender would with the exception that they could not have children. There are guidlines in place that therapists and Surgeons must follow called The HBIGDA Standards of Care.

Children who go through treatment at an early age will be able to remember their childhoods in their true genders. Both the hormone blockers and hormones will make passability much easier as children will appear much like their peers will. Heights will be more normal. Lonliness should be less likely and voices for both MTF’s and FTM’s will develop in more normal ranges. Older Transsexuals will not develop any of these advantages. So the earlier the Transsexual starts treatment the better.

Kids are very resilent. As long as they are provided the basic tools that other children have they can do well and learn and grow. The untreated transsexual wil sorely lack in social skills at a time they need them most to develop fully. This will not serve them well. Delaying treatment is a mistake and will stunt that growth. Your child will likely not grow out of this, it is not a phase. So I urge you to contact a gender professional for your child today. Your childs future depends upon it. We have it in our power to make sure that present and future TS generations do not have older, newly emerging, troubled transsexuals in their 40’s 50’s and 60’s, trying to salvage wrecked lives. The Transsexual suicide rate of 31% can drop dramatically with early childhood intervention. It all begins today.

Laura Amato

2006, @ Laura’s Playground

Transsexuals’ Children

Continuing contact between transsexual parents and their children has met with significant opposition. Two areas of concern are effects on the gender identity of the children and reactions by the children’s peer group. Eighteen children, 10 boys, 8 girls of 9 transsexual parents, have been evaluated. Their ages range from 5-16 years. All live with or have regular contact with their transsexual parent. No child has gender identity disorder. No child has had extensive conflict with the peer group. All continue positive relationships with their transsexual parent.

Introduction

In 1978 I published a paper on sexually atypical and gender atypical parents and their children (Green 1978). It described 21 children being raised by lesbian mothers and 16 by transsexual parents. Since that paper 20 years ago, none other has been published describing a series of children of transsexuals. This absence explains why that report was cited as a stand alone in the case brought by a female-to-male transsexual in his recent fight for parental status before the European Court of Human Rights (Case of X, Y and Z v United Kingdom, 1997).

Opposition is strong to a transsexual continuing in a parenting role during or after gender transition. It derives in part from concerns that the children will become confused in their own gender identity during critical years of psychosexual development. Although to those concerned about this posited impact no developmental period is safe harbour, the first handful of years are seen as exceptionally vulnerable. This is during the setting of basic gender identity and resolution of the posited Oedipal conflict. Early adolescence when sexual orientation manifests strongly, perhaps reviving earlier Oedipal conflicts, is another arguably vulnerable period. The second focus of concern impacting on the best interests of these children is the reaction of their age mates, the peer group. Will the children be teased, ostracised, bullied in consequence of their parent’s transsexualism?

But, beyond these presumably empirically testable concerns, there is more. There are the feelings of betrayal, abandonment and hostility of the non-transsexual parent. Many are so enraged at the transsexual parent that they defiantly oppose any contact with the child. As custodial parent, some non-transsexual parents instil in the child a distorted, negative image of the absent (or rarely present) transsexual parent, the Parental Alienation Syndrome (Gardner 1978). In time, the child, too, opposes continuing or renewed contact. The concern to courts here is that the conflict and trauma imposed on the child of enforcing contact with one parent when the other is implacably opposed, and perhaps the child too is opposed, is greater than terminating contact.

Are the former noted issues concerning the children’s gender identity and peer group reaction to be considered as independent of the latter consideration of uncompromising parental opposition? They should not be. To the extent research demonstrates the absence of an objective basis for concern for the child’s welfare as a direct effect of the transsexual status of one parent, the other parent’s opposition becomes increasingly irrational. It should be given less legal weight on the scales of justice in judicial determinations.

During the past four years I have interviewed transsexual parents at Charing Cross Hospital in London. Many have not seen their children for years. Several abdicated their parenting role because they feared their transsexualism would be harmful to the child, others because their former spouse had been adamantly opposed to contact and the transsexual believed that a legal fight was hopeless. There have been other families, however, where the transsexual parent has continued to live with child(ren) and spouse during the gender transition of the “Rea.l Life Test” or has maintained frequent parenting contact, though living apart. An outline of these children is drawn here.

There are 18 children. They are from 9 families, with 10 children boys and 8 girls. Six transsexual parents are male-to-female, three are female-to-male. The children’s age range is 5-16 years, with 4 ages 5-7, 6 ages 8-10, 4 ages 11-13 and 4 ages 14-16. The frequency distribution is shown in Table l.

Areas of focus in interviewing these children and parents have been the two typically cited as potentially problematic for the children: their own gender identity and peer group stigma.

Gender Identity

None of the children meet the DSM IV or ICD 10 criteria for “gender identity disorder”. One boy and one girl had thoughts about changing sex briefly when informed of the transsexualism of the parent, but the curiosity did not evolve into a desire to change sex and the curiosity did not continue. No clinically significant cross-gender behaviour is reported.

Peer Group

Three children have been selective in informing peers of the transsexual status of their parent. They informed those whom they thought they could trust with the information and who would not tease or spread it indiscriminately. Three children experienced some teasing; it was transient and resolved. The remainder report no problems.

Understanding the Parent

Three children do not remember their parent in the parent’s birth sex. The others became aware of the transsexual status 1-3 years before my interview. The children have a reasonable understanding of the parent’s gender dysphoria and the treatment process. Some examples of their perceptions of their parents follow:-

Seven year old boy with male-to-female transsexual parent (father):

“Linda. wants to be a woman. Linda wants to start a fresh life. She likes living as a woman. I think that is happy for her. At first (when I was 4’/2) I didn’t quite understand. As I got older, I realized she must be happy living as a woman, so I’ll just accept that.”

Does Linda have a penis?

“She is going to have it taken off.”

What is your worry?

“The thing I worry about is if he gets injections that the wrong amount would be given and something would go wrong… Is there a chance he could die in the operation?”

Nine year old boy with female-to-male transsexual parent (mother):

“She will change into a man with plastic surgery.”

Why?

“My dad (biological mother) reckons that God had made a mistake when he was born.”

Seven year old girl with male-to-female transsexual parent (father):

Why does your daddy dress as a lady?

“It’s a better life.”

Sixteen year oId boy with female-to-male transsezual parent (mother):

“Jim is a bloke. The only thing missing is a dick.”

Ten year old boy with male-to-female transsexual parent (father):

How do you feel about it?

“It’s alright.”

Why is your daddy doing this?

“He does not like being a man.”

Eleven year old sister:

“My dad’s having a sex change. He is turning into a woman.

Why?

“He feels like a woman”

How do you feel about it?

“I feel OK about it.”

Fourteen year old daughter with female-to-male transsexual parent (mother):

“My Mother’s not happy in the body she is in. My mom is a lot happier since starting to live as who she wants to be. When I was 13, my mother said, ‘I want to be a man, do you care?’

I said, no, as long a you are the same person inside and still love me. I don’t care what you are on the outside… It’s like a chocolate bar, It’s got a new wrapper but it’s the same chocolate inside.”

Ten year old brother:

“Jim (mother) is my dad because he is having a sex change. It’s alright with me. If it makes Jim happy, it makes me happy.”

Conclusion

Available evidence does not support concerns that a parent’s transsexualism directly adversely impacts on the children. By contrast, there is extensive clinical experience showing the detriment to children in consequence of terminated contact with a parent after divorce.

Can anything be done to help maintain these families? Courts can be educated regarding clinical or research findings. Transsexual parents may profit from engaging with children in counselling sessions in anticipation of, or during, the gender transition process where concerns and questions can be addressed. Marital counselling early in the transition process could mitigate the hostility of the non-transsexual parent. Hopefully, the non-transsexual parent’s feelings of disappointment, loss and perhaps anger can be placed in perspective to the benefit children derive from contact with two parents. Children can also benefit from counselling, when troubled, after parent sex reassignment (Sales, 1995)

The cases described here and twenty years earlier demonstrate that transsexual parents can remain effective parents and that children can understand and empathise with their transsexual parent. The cases demonstrate that gender identity confusion does not occur and that any teasing is no more a problem than the teasing children get for a myriad of reasons.

Children’s best interests are not served by the bullying tactic of implacable parental opposition by one parent to continuing contact with both parents. Divorce may be inevitable between parent and parent, but divorce need not be inevitable between parent and child.

References

Case of X, Y and Z v United Kingdom (75/1995/581/667), European Court of Human Rights, Strasbourg, 1997.

Gardner, R (1998). The Parental Alienation Syndrome, Second Edition. Cresskill, New Jersey, Creative Therapeutics.

Green,R (1978). Sexual identity of thirty-seven children raised by homosexual or transsexual parents. American Journal of Psychiatry 135: 692-697.

Sales, J. (1995). Children of a transsexual father: a successful intervention. European Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 4:136-139.

Table 1

Transsexual Type | Number of Sons | Ages | Number of Daughters | Ages

M-F | 1 | 7 | – | –

F-M | 1 | 16 | 2 | 14, 12

M-F | – | – | 2 | 5, 7

M-F | 1 | 10 | 1 | 12

F-M | 2 | 8, 10 | – | –

F-M | 1 | 10 | 1 | 14

M-F | 2 | 9, 12 | – | –

M-F | 2 | 10, 13 | 1 | 16

M-F | – | – | 1 | 5

A Research Paper by Professor Richard Green

Gender Trust – 2003, This information sheet is distributed by the Gender Trust and is intended as a basis for information only. The Gender Trust does not accept responsibility for the accuracy of any information contained in this sheet.

About Our Transgender Children And Their Families

Q: What does it mean to be transgender?

A: Transgender people are individuals of any age or sex who manifest characteristics, behaviors or self-expression, which in their own or someone else’s perception, is typical of or commonly associated with persons of another gender.

Q: Are there different types of transgender people?

A: Yes. There is great diversity among transgender people. Various terms are used to describe segments of the transgender community. Some of these terms are transvestite, crossdresser, bi-gendered, androgyne, transsexual, drag queen and male/female impersonator. Each of these terms describes a distinct type of transgender person. A detailed glossary of transgender terminology is available on request (see below).

Q: What causes a person to be transgender?

A: No definite answer can be offered to this question. Research suggests there is a biological basis for transgender behavior but to what degree is unknown. Transgender people manifest their condition at different stages in their lives ranging from infancy to old age. This leads to the observation that biology creates a capacity while nurture and individual choice may retard or accelerate the emergence or degree of transgender behavior.

Q: How many transgender people are there in the world?

A: No one knows what the population of transgender people is because there is no means of identifying and counting them. The evidence suggests that many transgender people hide their condition to avoid discrimination and abuse by others. However, transgender people are found in every society and culture, and in every country, from the most primitive to the most advanced. And, transgender people have been present throughout human history. Figures such as Saint Joan D’Arc, The Chevalier D’Eon, Lord Cornbury and Dr. Mary Walker are but a few of the transgender people to be found In the pages of history books.

Literary references to transgender people abound. In the latter half of the twentieth century the visible population of transgender people has increased into the millions worldwide. The evidence suggests that transgenderism is but another facet of the diverse human condition.

Q: Are transgender people considered to be disabled, sick or mentally ill?

A: Under the provisions of the Americans for Disabilities Act (ADA) transgender people are not considered to be disabled solely on the basis of their transgender status. Transgender people are not considered to be medically at risk by virtue of their status. Transgender people may be diagnosed by the psychiatric profession under the provisions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV), American Psychiatric Association, 1994. However, the vast majority of transgender people do not require psychiatric diagnosis or treatment and are not regarded as mentally ill or incompetent solely by virtue of their transgender status. The inclusion of transgender people in the DSM-IV is subject to periodic review. Just as homosexuality was removed from an earlier DSM, it is possible that transgender people will not be included in future DSM’s.

Q: Can transgender people be treated or cured?

A: There is no known cure or course of treatment which reverses the transgender person’s manifestation of the characteristics and behaviors of another gender. Transgender people have at times been subjected to electric shock therapy, aversion therapy (applying physical pain to condition response), drug therapy and other procedures. None of these “cures” have succeeded. Many such “cures” have been painful and dehumanizing for the victims.

Q: Is transgender behavior sinful and against the teachings of the Bible?

A: An isolated passage in the Book of Deuteronomy (22:5) reads: “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.” This passage is part of what biblical scholars refer to as the Hebrew Purity Code, a system of rules for social behavior and dietary consumption intended to “purify” the body and spirit in God’s eyes. In the broader context of the Purity Code this is a minor passage which is accompanied by prohibitions against intercourse with a menstruating woman, wearing clothing made of mixed fibers, sacrificing a blemished animal and remarrying a former wife. Taken together the prohibitions of the Purity Code amount to arbitrary cultural taboos as contrasted with the more profound precepts of the Ten Commandments. Biblical scholars and theologians warn of the danger of selective interpretation of the Bible in a way which upholds some passages while ignoring others and overlooking the broader context. Other authors point out that what “pertaineth unto a man” and what garments “pertain to women” have undergone continual change throughout history. Judged strictly by Hebrew standards the entirety of modern civilization would appear to violate the Purity Code.

Q: Are transgender people homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual?

A: The sexual orientation of transgender people may be homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual.

Q: Are transgender people subject to discrimination and denial of their human rights? Are they subjected to hate crimes and bashing incidents?

A: Transgender people face discrimination in the workplace, in housing, in healthcare, in the military service, in prison and in the society at large. Many transgender people are unemployed or under-employed by virtue of their status. With the exception of a few jurisdictions the jobs of transgender people are not protected by law. Because of their “visible” behavior and choice of attire transgender people are frequently subjected to verbal and physical abuse by other citizens, leading in some cases to the loss of life. In the U.S.A. such hate crimes are currently not reported statistically as crimes perpetrated against transgender people.

Q: How can I help support the transgender person in my family?

A: First, offer your family member your unconditional love and support. Secondly, educate yourself about transgenderism and transgender people and their concerns. Thirdly, help your loved one educate and “come out” to other family members and friends who will be supportive.

From the PFLAG-Talk/TGS-PFLAG Virtual Library
critpath.org/pflag-talk/library.html – 2002