Gay – Page 6 – news.lgbti.org

Moroccan Magazine Cover: Should Gays Be Burned?

A magazine cover which asked “should gay people be burned” has been withdrawn. In view of the United Nations Charter of Rights and Freedoms – NO religion or culture has the right to take away basic human rights and these include sexual orientation. Extreme and hateful religious fanatics are portraying God as a God of wrath – instead of a God of love. These bigots use ancient texts and avoid scientific data. Paula.

A Magazine That Should Face a Law Suit?

The cover of Maroc Hebdo posed the question in response to the Moroccan Ministry of Health’s call for homosexuality to be decriminalised.

It also asked “What about moral and religious values?”

Within the magazine, which has now been withdrawn from sale, there were three articles – one which outline the situation for gay people in Morocco, an interview with pro-gay activist Abdellah Taia, and a piece by staff writer Mustapha Sehimi.

Staff Writer is Ignorant of Scientific Data

Sehimi writes: “Today, more than 70 states forbid homosexuality. In around ten of them, the sentence gay people risk death penalty.

“There is a public moral to preserve… religious values too… There is still a lot to do to strenghten human rights in Morocco so we don’t have to be misled into some dubious fight for such a marginal purpose as decriminalization of homosexuality.”

After the cover was published, many took to social media to point out that the photograph of two men featured on the magazine’s cover was actually taken at a gay-friendly hotel in Cancun.

Others simply took to Facebook to ask questions like: “Are you stupid”, and “Your covers are the worst.”

Others tweeted their distaste at the cover, calling it “criminal”, “irresponsible” and “shameful”.

In a statement Maroc Hebdo said: “Given the particularly strong reactions through social media, Morocco Hebdo decided to withdraw this issue from sale and its sites on the internet.

“It presents at the same time its apologies to all readers who were offended by this theme and it stresses it has no other requirement other than to continue to work for the expansion of a national debate on… the shape of society.”

Paula: What is there to debate? Human rights should trump any religion. The debate, since it will continue, should present the findings of most psychological and psychiatric associations world-wide. They write that homosexuality is not a disease, mental condition or PERVERSION (as stated by right wing religious zealots). They also state that homosexuality CANNOT be changed, therefore, it is NOT a choice.

If religions are to raise the soul towards heaven why do they persecute someone who is born a homosexual. This is NOT God-like. This is not loving God’s creation.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Dating & Living With an Older Gay Man

I sometimes get asked about what it’s like dating or living with an older gay man. I also get asked for tips and advice on how to deal with family and friends or how I dealt with my family and friends when they found out I was dating and in fact now living with a man 22 years older than myself.

I have actually written about many of these questions and problems in my other articles here as the articles are all based on my personal experiences of mainly dating older men, as well as my life living with one for seven years now.

However, a recent email inspired me to write some more on this subject and to try and address a few specific points that I may not have covered quite so clearly before.

One of the problems or hurdles that you will face if you are involved in a relationship with a gay man where there is a significant age gap is how others will perceive that relationship.

Another hurdle that you may face is how you think other people will perceive your relationship with an older or younger gay man.

In my own life, the later point is actually the one that gave me the most problems.

I actually gave myself more grief and worry about what other people might think than what actually happened and what these people actually do think about our relationship.

These days, I don’t worry about people thinking negatively about our relationship because in the first place it’s not theirs and in the second place most people are too busy with their own problems and relationships to really be too concerned.

I took me many years to get to this comfort point in my life; it wasn’t easy and I will admit that even to this day I sometimes have the occasional bit of anxiety.

How could I have made things easier on myself? That’s something that I sometimes think about and the answer that keeps repeating itself is that I should have come out to my parents a lot earlier than when I did.

But I was young and scared of what they might think or do and what my friends might think and do. As it turned out, I came out to my parents when I was older and at a pretty low point in my life, still scared of what everyone might say and do.

To make thing just a little more interesting and difficult, the day I came out was also the day that they officially found out that I was living with an older man who was the same age as they were.

Yes, they got a double whammy that day!

I broke the news awkwardly to my mum first. I don’t remember exactly what either of us said, it’s all a blur but it basically went something like this…

“Mum, you know how I’m renting a room from Ian and how I invite him to all our family get-togethers? Well he’s not really my landlord. He’s my lover and has been since I moved in with him”.

A short pause of silence greets this revelation and then my mum responds with, “It’s OK; I kind of figured that might be the case”.

After I left my parents place, my head still spinning at what I’d just done, I received a phone call from my Dad; “It’s OK son”, he said.

I was elated! Years of guilt started lifting from my shoulders.

I had begun the next phase of my life as a gay man of thirty something.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done had this opportunity presented itself when I was younger, and in my early twenties; or nineteen for that matter.

I do know that it was important to finally come out to my family and formally introduce the man who was my lover and partner.

I was quite literally getting sick from hiding in the closet and hiding a relationship that was extremely important to me, as Ian wasn’t just some guy that I was occasionally going out with. My entire life was and is to this day revolving around him – we’re partners.

Do we get strange looks or questions? Sure sometimes. But for the most part people are too busy to really concern themselves. For others that we meet it’s often a case of, “Oh well, that’s interesting, looks like it’s been good for both of you.” And still others are down right envious.

In any event, it matters not what they think; what matters is us and our happiness.

Understanding Sexual Orientation Amongst Young Males

When it comes to understanding sexual orientation among youth, most research focuses on health, social work and psychology. They look at the youth’s vulnerability to various types of health issues: sexually transmitted diseases, school climate and bullying, sexual assault, abuse and suicide. However, the sociological process that drives individuals to call themselves gay or bisexual has had less focus, until now.

Researcher Mary Anne Robinson of the University of Colorado at Boulder decided to analyze “sexual selfhood” and the process of sexual socialization through a qualitative method and from the point of view of adolescent males.

Her study focused on 18 life-history interviews. Robinson volunteered at Spectrum for 16 months. Spectrum is an urban center that welcomes any youth between the ages of 13 and 22 who identify with the LGBT community. It predominately serves young adults of lower socioeconomic status. Robinson decided to direct the focus of her study on male youth who were born male. The population at the center was mostly male, and she didn’t want to assume all experiences among the other genders.

Robinson’s research led her to identify four processes of sexual identity formation. They are: violating compulsory heterosexuality, seeking out an explanation for their differences, exploring sexuality and negotiating identity.

Compulsory behavior occurs in a social system where all persons are assumed to be heterosexual and heterosexuality is reinforced by gender norms, like masculine and feminine. According to Robinson’s study, the young males would recount stories of how others marked them as being different because they did not conform to typical male behavior. Once the individual was marked for their difference by either themselves or others, they sought out an explanation for why. Initially many of the participants revealed that they didn’t have a language to name how they felt.

Upon recognizing themselves as gay or bisexual, the young men took steps toward embracing their sexuality through relationships. Many of the young males had opportunities to have sex, but did not. In fact, many of the participants identified themselves as virgins. Robinson believes this is significant because it shows that being gay or bisexual doesn’t depend on having sex.

Last, although many face pressure to choose a sexual identity, many youths today are ambiguous about what that identity is. Robinson found that while the boundaries of identity are expanding, sexual identities are becoming more prominent and meaningful, even though not all sexual and gender identities are viewed with legitimacy.

Dr. M. Mirza, LGBT Health Wellness – 2014

How Many Americans Are Bisexual or Homosexual?

A recent survey (the annual National Health Interview Survey) by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention asked about sexual orientation for the first time. While the majority of candidates reported being heterosexual, of the 34,557, 1.6 percent claimed to be homosexual and 0.7 claimed to be bisexual. While many other surveys have claimed much higher numbers, it is important to keep in mind that this is a very difficult number to pinpoint.

You may be asking why. To start, the survey is more or less showcasing results for how those who have taken it identify themselves. Whether or not it factually identifies all participants based on societal definitions of sexuality is too complicated a question to test without further research. Keep in mind that many people do not care to share their sexuality, possibly due to shame, misidentification with how they feel inside, or simply not wanting to release that information. It’s a complicated subject; proclaiming you are gay or bisexual carries many social stigmas.

Questions were provided to surveyors via computer, which they personally asked participants who then answered by showing flash cards. This person to person questioning may help comfort, but still, it does nothing to encourage people to discuss their true indentity. Furthermore, the survey asked nothing regarding transexuals, whose sexuality may be very difficult at times to define.

These statistics may help narrow and target treatment for sexual minorities, which is good, but they still lack accuracy. Without societal reform, it may be impossible to get information that is, figuratively, hidden in the closet.

September 2014

UK Sherlock Fans Call for Gay Relationship in Series

Fans of the popular BBC series Sherlock have been lobbying show creator Mark Gatiss to write a gay relationship between Sherlock and Watson into the plot.

Gatiss said he had been inundated with plotline ideas and even explicit drawings sugeesting a relationship between Sherlock played by Benedict Cumberbatch and Watson (Martin Freeman).

Gatiss told DNA that fans had been urging him to make the dynamic crime fighting duo a couple since injecting sexual innuendo into the plot of the previous series.

Gatiss told DNA: “Oh my God. I get sent things that would make your hair turn white. It’s not just Sherlock and Watson holding hands on a park bench, I can tell you that.

“Some of them are incredibly graphic but my goodness I’ve not tried half the things they’re doing.”

It’s not the first occasion that the great detective and his sidekick have been rumoured to be gay. In the 1970s Billy Wilder film, it was joked that Sherlock and Watson were a couple.

Gatiss said this is where he and co-creator Steven Moffat took their lead.

Nonetheless Gatiss said there are no plans at this stage to turn the pair into a couple.

A fourth series of Sherlock has been commissioned by the BBC and will air later this year. The BBC has also announced plans for a special feature length episode to begin filming in January 2015.

Christians Against Gays & Gay Marriage?

Are Christians against gays?

Gay marriages have hardly ever received religious sanction, especially never so in the realms of Christian Catholicism. The Catholic Church has time and again, raised serious protests against the legalization and public acceptance of same-sex marital unions, across several regions of the world. Such religious condemnation is one of the main impediments in the battle being fought by the gay community across the world.

The Catholic Church believes that homosexual relations are against the dictates of the Bible. God created the male and female anatomy such that they are physically complimentary to one another so that they can reproduce and procreate, producing human offspring for the progression of the species. However, same-sex relationships are not conducive to the idea of procreation, and are believed to have been condemned in some interpretations of Biblical texts. In that sense, gay unions are against the biological norms of nature and staunch Catholics consider them to be a violation of God’s establishment of a harmonious society. This is the basic argument put forward by the higher Catholic authorities as well as some followers of the religion as well.

The Catholic opposition to gay marriage also drives strength from the fact that their conduct of religion is centered upon a very high view of marriage and human sexuality. Christian Scriptures are cited to reiterate the importance and significance of marital relations and human sexuality. The Book of Genesis is known to reflect that marriage and sexuality were designed such by God to be sacred gifts to mankind.

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18).

“A man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).”

The above mentioned sections are often quoted to explain the religious sanctity of marriage as God had ordained. Male and female sexuality were to compliment one another so that they could unite in the Holy union of marriage. And since marriage for Catholics, is a Holy vocation, they hold it in reverence and thus try to defend it against “harm”, be it in terms of homosexuality or otherwise.

The Catholic Church also believes that gay marriages are a detriment to society. In their argument and protect against the acceptance of same-sex marital unions, they interweave their religious and social concerns to put forward a stronger case. Since gay unions cannot facilitate procreation, they do not play any biological function is society which is supposed to be an important element of the entire marital institution. In consequence to this, the Church believes that the sanctity of a marriage between homosexuals is thus little, if not inconsequential.

While the Catholic Church in its entirety is seen as an opposing force to gay marital union, there is a large body of Catholic Christians that does not react to the idea of same-sex marriages in the same manner. Some also argue that the Biblical references that are given to justify a Holy rejection of same-sex relations may not have been related to the question of homosexuality at all. This takes the religious debate into the arena of interpretation and reinterpretation of the Bible. However, since there is no way to judge upon the correctness of any Biblical interpretation, this debate is not expected to reach any concrete conclusion.

This is however, not to say that Catholicism represents a complete an absolute boycott of the homosexual population of the world. Yes, the Catholic Church is not a proponent of homosexuality and same-sex marriages. However, a complete rejection of gay people and their lifestyle is not what the Catholic Church stands for either. The bottom line here is that Catholicism has been an opposing voice in the debate over gay marriages and their legalization. It cites religious as well as social factors as the basis for such a stance. But its view on gay marriages is not a complete reflection of the Catholic treatment of homosexuality. While the debate goes on and on, one can only wonder whether there shall ever be an effective conclusion to it, and if so, which voice shall emerge victorious.

gaymarriagesupport.com/christians-against-gays-gay-marriage – 2012

Coming Out in the Open

In contemporary times, the gay community across the world has got a larger space for expression in society. However, this does not in any way, reflect upon the genuine attitude that a large section of the population harbor for homosexuals. In fact, in most of the less developed parts of the world, as well as more broad-minded societies, people face discrimination and social seclusion based upon their sexual orientation. Often, the fear of facing rejection and silent condemnation from their peers, family or the general populace at large, leads homosexuals to suppress their homoerotic impulses or else get involved in clandestine relationships that rely upon secrecy to be successful. Either way, living such a life is not healthy for there is a constant sense of inadequacy in this nature of existence. It is thus advised by psychologists as well as gay activists that homosexuals should not hesitate to come out of the closet and express their sexual preference without any qualms.

For homosexuals to be as unguarded about their sexual orientation as heterosexuals, they shall need the comfort of knowing that they will get part of, if not similar degree of acceptance as the latter. What gay people often do not realize is that keeping their homosexuality within wraps, they themselves are also conforming to the sexual stereotypes which they think society is burdening them with. If they are at peace with the reality of their sexual preference, the societal response should become a secondary concern. In fact, as more and more homosexuals have gone ahead and been candid about their orientation, the general public response has also undergone a change. As the active gay community becomes larger and stronger, they garner more respect and acceptance due to the very fact of being part of a more vast section of the population and not an extremely small minority.

While a large number of gay people keep their homosexuality a secret due to societal pressures and insecurities, more often than not, it is also because they are comfortable with their own reality. However, they must realize that the root cause of such discomfort also goes back to the general conditioning that one receives in regard with sexuality and preferences from their very birth. What they need t realize is that it is better to come out and face reality rather than live a lie. Studies and statistics support the fact that most homosexuals have found themselves to feel happier and more secure once they have come out of the closet and declared their orientation with no hint of embarrassment or regret.

It is important to realize that if a homosexual is fighting with their sexual impulses or keeping their orientation a secret, they are not at peace and are not probably living a very satisfactory life in that sense. It is often believed by the more vocal members of the gay community that they are better off risking undesirable societal reaction rather than living in a state of unhappiness, often even depression. The idea is that it is a fairer deal to risk unhappiness and be true to oneself, rather than be unhappy and live in denial or concealment.

Moreover, as the gay community has become more vocal and active in fighting for its rights (pro gay marriage), a large part of the formerly indifferent or disdainful population has broadened their outlook, being more aware about the reality of homosexuality and sexual preference. As the world community gets more aware about this issue, they simultaneously become more sensitized towards the idea of accepting them as one of their own.

It is therefore, a fair conclusion that homosexuals shall fare better if they are open about their sexual orientation. It shall not only help lighten their own mental burden but also contribute to the larger cause of gay activism that aims at changing the discriminatory attitude that society may harbor in regard with homosexuals. And in coming out of the closet, a gay person makes a decisive attempt to control their own life, which reflects personal growth and strength of character. For all the gay people in the world, go ahead and express yourselves, embrace your sexuality and let other’s notions of right and wrong affect your life.

gaymarriagesupport.com/coming-out-in-the-open – 2012

The Spirit & The Flesh: Sexual Diversity In American Indian Culture

American Historical Review 93 (February 1988):218-219

By skillfully integrating historical and anthropological literature with the results of his own unique cross-cultural fieldwork among contemporary berdaches, Williams provides an extraordinarily perceptive study of the berdache and the most comprehensive treatment of this controversial topic to date. One of the goals of this work is to “allow Indian people to speak for themselves” (p.7). The most effective use of quotations occurs in part 1, which explores the character of the berdache… Particularly valuable insights are conveyed by various traditionalists…. This is a provocative book that will undoubtedly rattle a number of cages. It will also prove to be an essential tool for scholars engaged in gender studies and an extremely useful source for ethnologists, historians and others interested in the human condition. There is a wealth of information in the book.

American Anthropologist 89 (December 1987): 978-979.

Walter Williams produced a detailed study of the sexual diversity among American Indians in six years, 1980-1986. “The Spirit and the Flesh” achieves an important place in anthropological literature regarding berdaches or transvestites and homosexual behavior among American Indians by means of finding and interviewing berdaches.

The recent general sexual revolution in the United States and the gay liberation movement contributed greatly to the production of Williams’s wide-ranging and fully documented book. It will surprise some, shock some, but almost everyone can learn something new from it.

Journal of the American Academy of Religion 57 (Autumn 1989): 607-615.

Walter Williams explores both the extensive literature and the berdache phenomena in considerable depth in a volume that is a decided contribution to the discussion and understanding of complex issues. It becomes essential reading for all of us who would engage in an ongoing study, as well as for those busy academicians who would hope for at least some knowledge of the subject. They will find Williams’ style eminently readable and at the same time well documented….

Williams would push us to move beyond a commonly cited definition to think of berdachism as representing a third, distinctive gender, a ‘mixing’ of the two biologically obvious genders…. Williams perfers ‘gender mixing’ as a more appropriate description of berdaches as an in-between gender…. Williams does a good job of surveying a great variety of ethnographic, anthropological and historical reports… Williams does put the ethnographic evidence into a new interpretive framework. This much alone insures that his work will be in the center of academic discussion about berdache traditions. It should be added that he has also done rather broad field work assessing the state of the issue in contemporary tribal situations….

The analysis of the shifts in contemporary Indian cultures, as we have noted, is one of Williams’ intended contributions…. He advances far beyond other interpreters, although there are certain problems. The strength of Williams’ interpretation of the contemporary context and also the problematic is in the reporting of his field work, namely his broad based conversations with a variety of modern berdaches / gay Indians from very differing tribal traditions. While his treatment is not and probably could not yet be thoroughly systemic, he attempts to move beyond treatment of berdaches as merely a historical phenomenon…. At the very least, evidence from Native America will emphasize that it is simply not the case that the despising of homosexual individuals is a human universal.

Ethnohistory 37 (Autumn 1990):449-451.

Already a classic, this prodigal, prizewinning ethnography about cross-cultural sexual variation remedies serious empirical deficiencies even as it contains important interpretive problems of its own. The many and overwhelming data it presents confirm not only the presence of sanctioned homosexuality but its diverse institutionalization in indigenous and contemporary Native American cultures. Focused largely on male homosexuality, this book draws on Williams’ fieldwork in North America, Central America, and Hawaii and on his exhaustive excavation of the ethnographic and historical literature….

Most of the evidence for the berdache’s social legitimacy is strikingly convincing… yet at times the book’s argument does not seem to register the contradictory evidence which, to its credit, it actually cites…. The narrative and theoretical voice is stronger in the second, historical section of the book, which uses a dialectical model of colonial domination to examine the transformation of the berdache tradition since European contact…. [It] illustrates very powerfully how domination, by contradictorily facing in as well as out, generates resistance: the recent gay liberation movement among whites, having drawn symbolic nurturance from the surviving berdache tradition, has in turn helped to energize that tradition as a symbol and catalyst of its own culture’s revitalization….

The last chapter surveys data that suggest a wide cross-cultural range of sexual diversity. The concluding paragraphs rightly chastise social constructionists like Foucault and Weeks for their ethnocentric ignorance of emics, which prevents them from fully comprehending variant models of sexuality and gender or imagining truly revolutionary ones. While the book’s own use of etics is a bit random (the first section’s grab-bag functionalism posits now reproductive survival, now social leveling, now biopsychological need, as the telos of social custom), its description and evocation of emic categories admirably begin the task for whose continuation it calls.

Journal of American History 77 (June 1990): 308.

For decades anthropologists and historians have mentioned or provided brief discussions of the role of the berdache within traditional native American cultures, but this volume by Walter L. Williams, a professor of ethnohistory in the Program for the Study of Women and Men in Society at the University of Southern California, provides the first in-depth, systematic examination of this institution and its relationship to both Native American and Euro-American cultures. Combining extensive research in travel accounts, personal narratives, and anthropological reports with his own field research, Williams argues that the institution was prevalent throughout most of the western tribes, and that berdaches played prominent social, economic, and spiritual roles within tribal societies….

This is a well-researched, well-written study. Williams admirably blends his fieldwork with more traditional historical research, and the volume will unquestionably remain the standard reference work on this subject for the forseeable future. Unfortunately, however, Williams’s arguments for the legitimacy of the berdaches and his condemnation of Euro-American attitudes toward gay and lesbian sexual behavior occasionally border upon advocacy. In addition, his chapter arguing for the prevalence of clandestine homosexual behavior among such socio-economic groups as pirates or cowboys detract from his primary thesis. These shortcomings aside, this volume should be welcomed by historians and anthropologists studying Native Americans. It should also be well received by historians of sexuality.

by Walter L. Williams. Boston: Beacon Press, 1986 and revised edition 1992.

transgender.org – 2011

Gay Travel In India

It is easy to get bored of spending vacations in Europe, Argentina and the more exotic locations around the world. This is when most travelers think of coming to Asia for their next yearly vacation. For any LGBT + traveler, however, Asia is far from the ideal location for travel, unless the focus is on sightseeing and not LGBT services. If you or one of your friends is planning to drop in to India for a short while, there are things that are necessary to know before making the trip, if the plan is not to make the trip a disaster.

India is almost a homophobic country. Though you will get a lot of eye candy in the form of her ancient heritage and monuments, it is not for you if you’re looking forward to a week of gay bars and partying. Homosexuality is illegal here, and PDA is an offence. If you’re caught doing PDA with your gay lover, you can easily expect a night or more in jail. Holding hands does not count, by the way, but you’ll be better off without it.

Once you are clear about your objective for visiting India, choosing where all to visit is crucial, since the country is so huge and full of travelers’ havens that going to every tourist location in one trip is not possible. The first place you might want to look at is what is popularly known as The Golden Triangle – Delhi, Agra and Jaipur. All three cities overflow with Mughal heritage and monuments, famously the Taj Mahal in Agra, the Red Fort in Delhi and loads of Mahals in Jaipur. What to expect here? – Huge castles and fortresses, a lot of heat, a lot of traditionally dressed women – basically, a lot of India. You can also extend your trip to other cities in Rajasthan, such as Udaipur, if you can stand the heat and love Mughal architecture. And for travelers especially looking forward to gay activity, there are several bars in New Delhi that have a gay night once a week.

Going south, there are cities like Mumbai, Kerala, Goa, Chennai, and a lot of hill stations like Kodaikanal and Ooty. While Mumbai has some spectacular monuments (and gay parties every now and then), like the Gateway of India, and museums, Chennai and nearby cities have some mind blowing temples. The architecture of these temples has been the primary attraction for tourists for years, all of whom can not get over the façade, the interior and just about everything about them. The immense scribbling on the façade by tourists is just proof that these temples are popular indeed!

Goa is full of exotic beaches, great nightlife and very cheap alcohol. Coming to Kerala and the hill stations of South India, here is natural beauty if there ever is anywhere. Kerala is not known as “God’s Own Country” for no reason, after all. The scenery is refreshing, serene and breathtaking. Full of lush trees and beautiful lagoons (or backwaters), Kerala is the place for you if you want to de-stress.

Northern India, too, has some scenic displays for the tourist. Leh, freezing cold, but fascinating, is a must visit for anyone looking for the perfect hill station. Then there is the disputed and terrorized territory of Jammu and Kashmir. Don’t call me crazy for this, but there isn’t much to fear while visiting the state, since the police patrol the area, and tourists visit it, all the time. If you are looking for a spiritual tour, you can probably visit the famous Badrinath and Kedarnath temples in the Himachal area and Vaishno Devi, one of the most popular Hindu temples anywhere, in J&K.

Keep in mind that asking for gay parties and bars is something of a risk in India. It is better that you look for these in online forums and discussions, get in touch with a few local guys who know the gay scene here, and then make your move. Staying in hotels is not an issue in India, since men often share a room to cut down travel expenses. Just know that advertising your sexuality will only work against you here. The rest said, enjoy India!

Article written by Shahrukh K. – 2009

Queer Gay Sports Eye for the Hopeless Homo

As I was watching “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” the Bravo reality series where five fabulous gay guys transform a straight, uncultured slob, I was struck by a moment where I identified more with the hetero than the homo.

It was a scene where Carson, the fashion maven, was going through the closet of Slob ‘O The Week, and came across his collection of replica NHL jerseys. Carson picked one up that said “Gretzky” across the back and remarked with puzzlement, “Gretzky? What country is that?”

C’mon, dude, I said to the TV. How can you not know who Wayne Gretzky is, maybe the greatest hockey player ever? At least you should know he’s married to B-movie actress Janet Jones; it was in all the tabloids. I’m certainly no fashion poster boy, but even I know about Prada and Tom Ford.

The Fab Five’s apparent lack of sports knowledge led me to an idea: teaching sports-impaired gay men the basics about the world of bats, balls and pucks. Call it “Queer Sports Eye for the Hopeless Homo.” This information can be very useful in those awkward social settings where you have to interact with your ultra-straight brother-in-law, or maybe break the ice with the dad of your new boyfriend. Or even, pray tell, if your significant other would rather watch “SportsCenter” than “Trading Spaces.” I consulted our Fab Five (no, not the Michigan basketball team from the 1990s) and we came up with these following helpful hints, tips and facts about the world of sports.

Culture

–Super Bowl Sunday is a rotten day to throw a surprise birthday party for your football-loving boyfriend. It’d be like him asking you to go bowling the night of the Oscars.

–Contrary to what you may think, “Fantasy Football” is not a shower scene between you and the Green Bay Packers starting offense. It’s a game where you “draft” your own team of NFL players to compete against similar teams of your friends. But don’t be like our friend who picked his entire 2002 team based on which players were the hottest. Talent and looks do not always go hand in hand. Just ask Warren Sapp.

–“The Big Dance” is not the Palm Springs White Party. It’s the nickname for the NCAA men’s college basketball championship, a three-week hoops extravaganza featuring hot, young, sweaty jocks slapping each other on the butt while wearing tank tops and shorts and drinking lots of water. Oh, sorry, it is the White Party.

–You need to get down with the nicknames. “Shaq” is Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal; “Kobe” is fellow Laker Kobe Bryant; “A-Rod” is Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez. “Tight end” signifies a football player positioned to the outside of the offensive line eligible to catch passes, not the headline of that hot guy you saw on Gay .com.

–Gary Glitter’s addictive “Rock and Roll Part 2” (aka the Hey! Song) is the sports national anthem, heard in every arena across the land year-round. Here are the complete lyrics, sung for three minutes: “Hey!”
Even Texas A&M alums can memorize it.

Food

— While watching a game, angel hair pasta tossed in olive oil and roasted garlic is a no-no. Doritos with a side of melted cheese product and a box of Krispy Kremes is as gourmet as it gets. We had a friend’s boyfriend come to a football party last year bearing oranges (it gets worse–they were seedless mandarins called “cuties.”) “You do not bring citrus fruit to a football party,” the boyfriend was told by his partner in a tone that resembled John Madden channeling Martha Stewart.

–Beer is the beverage of choice and it should to be a good, old, red-blooded American mass-produced brew like Bud or Miller. If you go micro, avoid foo-foo names like “Sweet Lavender Ale,” and choose “Snarling Pit Bull Malt” instead.

Interior Design

–A satellite dish with Tivo that can pick up the NFL Sunday Ticket and ESPN Classic Sports is de rigueur.

–You need a couch that’s functional, great to lounge on and the right color to hide beer and grease stains. Brushed leather won’t do.

–The kitchen should be within good hearing distance of the TV so you can’t miss a play. Better yet, go for a TV in the kitchen. And the bedroom. One fanatic we know (an ex-NFL player) has TV speakers in his bathroom so as not to miss a thing (how weird to listen to the Steelers going for 2 when you’re doing the same.)

–Contrary to what one friend’s partner thinks, a football trophy is a proper coffee table addition. Talk about a conversation piece!

Fashion/Grooming

–Avoid inappropriate combinations. A Yankees hat with a Red Sox sweatshirt; a Florida State visor with a Florida T-shirt; anything with “Los Angeles Clippers” on it. Would you wear your dad’s leisure suit to happy hour at the Boom-Boom Room? We didn’t think so.

–It is OK to go shirtless to a sporting event. But you first must be willing to paint “Hi mom! Go Huskers!” on your chest. Please do us a favor, though–before you bare all, at least have seen the inside of a gym in the past year.

–Tattoos are cool but must be appropriate. We have a good friend who’s a huge Minnesota Vikings fan, and he has a tat of the fierce Viking mascot on his behind. In the old days (before he found Mr. Right), he would go up to a prospective trick and if the guy knew anything about football, would say the Pickup Line That Never Failed: “Would you like to go somewhere private and see my royal Viking ass?” Try that with a tat of Madonna.

–Yes, many athletes wear jockstraps during competition, hence their name. And yes, people notice. Denver Broncos wide receiver Ed McCaffrey (all 6-5, 215 pounds of him) and his wife were once interviewed. The questioner noted that Ed wears undersized shoulder pads and mentioned he must also wear a jock strap. The wife said the jock “is a very large one. That’s why the shoulder pads look so small.” And this was on ESPN, not the Spice Channel.

By J. Buzinski Out Sports – 2003