Lesbians – news.lgbti.org

Saying Goodbye To Lesbian Bed Death

Sometimes when a couple has been together for a long time, sex isn’t the main priority for them, or one person in the relationship isn’t as into it. Regarding lesbian relationships, this has been called “Lesbian Bed Death” (LBD).

Just like any other type of couple, a lesbian couple might find that they’re not as passionate as they were when they first met. Even though this a common occurrence for those who’ve been together long-term, it is a hot topic in the LGBTI+ community. This issue can be worked on if both partners in the relationship are willing to give it a shot. Read on for some ideas you can use to spice up your sex life and put LBD behind you.

Reintroduce romance to the relationship
It’s easy enough to take your partner for granted when you’ve been together for awhile. You’re both most likely very busy, juggling work and family life. See what happens when you start to surprise your partner with tickets to a movie they want to see or some flowers. Whatever you know will make them smile.

Spend some time on your own
Have your own life and social circle. Maybe take up a new hobby or join a group with similar interests. A little time away from each other now and then will make you appreciate each other more.

Go ahead and have sex
There’s always an excuse to not have time for something that seems like a luxury. Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship. Make it a priority and set aside time for quick, but passionate lovemaking during a break at work, or go on a mini vacation to a hotel, even near home.

Show affection toward each other
When you’re not being loving and affectionate (touching, cuddling, kissing, etc.), you might as well be housemates. Long-term relationships need love and attention. Remember why you were so excited about your partner in the first place and go from there.

Harmful Myths About Lesbian Partner Violence

Domestic violence happens in every type of relationship

Crisis line counselors are sometimes warned to be extra vigilant when they screen those seeking safety from domestic violence because, in the case of lesbian relationships, some pretend to be victims in order to be admitted into a shelter to access their partner. Turning a blind eye to domestic violence in lesbian relationships tells abusers they can get away with it…because they do. Here are some myths about same sex partner violence in lesbian relationships that need to come out in the open:

Because there are two women in the partnership they must have equal power.

People have skewed ideas about how different people of one sex can be–women in particular. There are women who are very capable of using incredible strength to cause great physical harm to their partner–biting, punching, kicking…all of it. Homicides and serious injury do occur. Not all women are nurturing. In fact, in a survey that included over 1,100 lesbians, more than half said they were abused by a same sex partner at some point in their life. And, up to 50 percent of lesbians have reported sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse doesn’t exist in lesbian partnerships.

Unfortunately, people tend not to believe that sexual abuse happens in lesbian relationships. When they think of this type of abuse, there is an idea that forced penetration with a penis must be involved. This is completely false. Emotional abuse with coercion and threats often occur in lesbian relationships, which forces one woman to submit. Threatening to “out” a partner is common as is humiliation in general. One woman can very well dominate another in a violent manner and sexually abuse the other, despite common beliefs to the contrary.

Lesbians and heterosexuals are equally as challenged after leaving an abusive relationship.

Although leaving an abusive relationship is difficult for anyone, lesbians face some specific challenges that heterosexuals don’t. Many lesbians do not seek assistance because they fear a homophobic response. Others are ashamed of their own sexuality due to messages they received growing up. Lesbians often don’t feel like they can be themselves much less risk being rejected when they seek help. Sometimes they’re not out to their families and abusers take advantage of this fact to further isolate them, perpetuating dependence.

Butch lesbians are the only ones who are abusive.

A woman doesn’t have to identify as butch or have any typically masculine traits whatsoever to be an abusive person. Not every lesbian relationship is butch/femme. A feminine lesbian who is an abuser can use this false assumption to her advantage. She might threaten to call the police when she’s not the one who is actually the victim. Sadly, law enforcement sometimes falls for this when the partner being blamed looks more masculine.

Sexual Safety During Pregnancy Possible For Lesbians Too

Worrying about the safety of sexual activity is not something limited to heterosexual couples. Many lesbian couples worry, too. Thankfully, there’s generally no reason to avoid intimacy when you’re expecting. However, there may be certain activities your doctor will advise you to avoid if you are considered a high-risk pregnancy.

Pregnant lesbians may find the topic of sex to be a touchy subject. During pregnancy some women experience heightened senses and an increased libido, while others lack sexual desire completely. Some have partners who are afraid of injuring the baby and, as a result, put any sexual feelings on the back burner. It’s important to keep in mind, though, that most pregnant women want to be intimate and many want to participate in sexual activity.

Even if genital sex is not desired, there are other ways to go about creating intimacy such as massage, kissing, and touching. The majority of types of lesbian sexual activity, including light penetration, is safe for most pregnant women. However, it’s important to stay away from certain activities such as rough S&M, deep thrusting, or fisting. Do not continue any sexual activity that triggers any discomfort. Avoiding sex toys such as vibrators, dildos and strap-ons are suggested since there’s difficulty in knowing where they’re touching exactly.

During pregnancy, it’s important to take time for yourselves. Otherwise, you’ll find that you won’t naturally have that emotional energy. Take time to get together with friends and family. This is especially important if you’re a single pregnant woman, finding that you’re isolated from most of the lesbian community during this time. Perhaps you’ll even find it worth considering to give yourself a spa day.

And, if you are in a partnership, include your loved one for the spa day. You needn’t even visit a spa. Stay home, give each other massages, have a special dinner together, and even a gigantic dessert. Why not? At least once in awhile.

This is not an easy time for couples, in general, but it can still have more ups than downs. You can both keep your relationship fresh, especially when remembering that you’re going to have to take it more slowly than usual. You might have actual sex less, but find that you’ll become more intimate with your partner in ways that you never imagined.

Tips for Lesbians Seeking a Love Life Boost

Do you feel a little bored with your life? Or, maybe even feel like it’s a chore? That’s not what anyone wants when it comes to sex. It’s okay. It’s normal to go through periods of time when you’re somewhat stuck and need to put a little more effort into spicing things up.

Spend time together
It’s wise not to assume things will work out on their own. You need to put some effort into creating a more satisfying love life. Mark your calendar and set aside an entire day for the two of you to explore each other completely — mind and body. Both of you may be pleasantly surprised about what you discover.

Kiss for awhile
Why don’t both of you spend a lot more time kissing, without worrying about doing anything else? Often, lovers spend a lot of time thinking about the end result. You may find that if you spend time kissing, you’ll become much more intimate and sex will be phenomenal.

Don’t become too comfortable
You and your lover need not become victims of lesbian bed death. Make sure to spend some time away from each other once in a while; make your own friends, and just socialize. A little bit of time away from each other will make you both appreciate one another that much more. Of course, this appreciation and excitement will extend to the bedroom.

Buy some toys
Even the thought alone and the decision to purchase a good toy is exciting. If you’re both inexperienced, check out some websites that sell adult toys, and communicate about what turns you on. Maybe start with a dildo, which is pretty versatile. If you decide you want to go all out and use a strap-on for sex, do that, too. It’s your choice, and that can be arousing on its own.

Pick out a good lube
This is important to use on your sex toys, but also in general. It can be rubbed in all sorts of sexy places and is even more arousing if you choose one with stimulant properties.

Massage
Incorporate some massage into your love life. Make sure to explore every inch of your lover’s body. Using lotions and oil makes it that much better. You may discover new places you both like to be touched.

Dress up/Role play
You might decide to go for some power playing if you’re in a respectful, trusting relationship. This may strengthen your trust towards each other. One person playing the dominating role can be incredibly arousing. You may also choose to use costumes and uniforms. Invite a light-hearted sense of humor to set the mood. Laughing together can be sexy…and maybe you’ve always been turned on by a woman in uniform–here’s your chance to make that happen.

Common Myths About Lesbians

Are you a lesbian tired of hearing myths about who you are and what you do?

Or, are you just curious and want to dig beneath the surface for some truth? Either way, it’s important to clear up some common misconceptions every once in awhile. Some of them can be quite damaging. Let’s look at some of the more frequent myths:

Lesbians are man-haters
This isn’t true at all. In fact, there are lesbians who love men. They have long-term friendships with men and might have a man who’s a best friend to them. It’s confusing that this myth is popular at all because it doesn’t make logical sense.

Butch lesbians really want to be men
It’s true that we all express ourselves in different ways and sometimes it happens that women wear clothing or their hair in styles that are more traditionally masculine. It does not follow that women want to be another gender. Those looking to change their sex are transsexual. Sometimes clothing style has little to do with expression and more to do with comfort.

You must sleep with a woman before you know you’re a lesbian
If heterosexuals can know they’re attracted to someone else before sex, the same applies to lesbians, or anyone else for that matter.

If you’re a lesbian this means you’re attracted to all women
Bogus. This is a myth where anyone’s concerned. Apply it to yourself. Are you attracted to everyone of a specific group?

Being a lesbian is a choice
There have been numerous types of therapies attempting to get people to “become” straight that are not only ineffective, but downright damaging. Studies have shown that sexual orientation isn’t chosen and that it’s an inborn trait.

Lesbians relationships are about sex
Not true. Lesbian relationships are often multi-faceted, involving families and emotional connections as well as sex.

Lesbians just haven’t found ‘the right man’
If anything, many lesbians haven’t found the right woman yet. Just as in any type of relationship, it takes some time to find the right partner. Lesbians aren’t interested in finding the right man because they’re attracted to women. It seems simple enough, but a lot of people find that difficult to swallow.

You know a lesbian when you see her
You might, in fact, have a decent intuition or “gaydar”, but this is not something that can be measured in any definite way just by looking at someone.

One partner plays “the man” in a lesbian relationship
Sometimes the dynamics of a same sex relationship make it seem easier to assume that male/female roles are being played, but it’s not the case. There are a lot of different kinds of lesbian relationships, butch/femme being one, but that doesn’t mean that one person is pretending to be a man.

Lesbians can’t be religious or spiritual
There are some churches that are accepting of all humans, and spirituality is a subjective experience. Unfortunately, there are some denominations that would think lesbians are living in sin.

Butch, Dyke, Femme or Lipstick Lesbian?

What Do They Mean and Where Do they Come From?

I’ve been caught out myself quite a few times. I’ve been hanging out with a group of lesbian friends in a bar, catching up on gossip and the latest on off relationships (much like the L Word), when someone surprises me with a term where I just haven’t got a clue what they are on about! I used to nod my head in failing agreement trying to hide the fact that I haven’t got the slightest inkling whether Jane who lives down the street is a Dieseldyke, or not!

It got to the point where I was too afraid to say much in case I made a fool of myself – so, instead of vegging out in front of the TV, I hit the web by storm and researched all the lesbian terms I possibly could so I would never fall into the same trap again. Now I consider myself to be pretty much on par with everyone else, but I thought I would make it easier for you womyn out there who aren’t quite up to scratch by publishing it all right here!

So here it is – my lesbian terms dictionary. I’ve even thrown in some of the origins of words so you can look extra clued up next time your buddies go out for coffee. I haven’t organized it alphabetically, but in groups of terms that have similar meanings.

Women Who Love Women

Boston Marriage
Definition: Old fashioned term describing two unmarried women who shared a house together.
Origins: This originates from the nineteenth century when it was acceptable for two unmarried women to share a house together. It is hard to say how many of these women were lesbians!

Lesbian
Definition: A gay woman. This is often shortened to les or lesbo.
Origins: This term was originally used for natives of the Greek island of Lesbos. An ancient poet called Sappho lived here and wrote many love sonnets to women or describing same sex relationships. It was first used as a term to describe a gay woman in the 1890’s.

Sapphism
Definition: Another term for lesbianism
Origins: Direct origination from the poet Sappho who wrote love sonnets to and about women.

Masculine Vs Feminine

Butch
Definition: Used to describe a lesbian who is masculine in appearance and outlook. Often relates to the way she dresses, the hairstyle, the shoes she wears etc.
Origins: There are conflicting stories as to where this term originated from. Some say it comes from 1930’s America from Butch, a strong and popular man’s name of that time. Others believe it stems from the 1950’s when both in the UK and USA working class lesbian couples dressed as one masculine and one feminine, whilst the middle class preferred to hide behind their feminine demeanor. Another important influence on Butch lesbians comes from the same period in lesbian bars where you were forced to dress Butch or Femme. Such distinction in dress is not as apparent nowadays but when you know someone that prefers power tools to cookery and dresses in comfy men’s clothes then she’s probably a Butch at heart.

Dyke
Definition: Another term for butch.
Origins: This may have originated from the Celtic language, or possibly from the slang word dike used in the nineteenth century which means male clothing. This term is widely accepted in lesbian circles but if a straight person were to call you a dyke this is thought to be offensive!

Bulldyke
Definition: Incredibly masculine lesbian.
Origins: This supports the theory that dyke originates from the Celtic language as Queen Boudicca was around at the time and she was known for being an incredibly powerful woman.

Dieseldyke
Definition: Once again this term means incredibly masculine lesbian, particularly those that drive heavy equipment and trucks.
Origins: Good old 1990’s slang!

Soft Butch
Definition: A lesbian that appears hard and masculine on the outside but has a soft heart! This is a relatively new term.

Baby Dyke
Definition: A young lesbian that’s coming out.

Femme
Definition: A lesbian who dresses in a feminine nature and has a feminine manner. Femmes are said to prefer skirts, flouncy clothes, makeup, and spending inconceivable amounts on their hair. They are the opposites of Butch.
Origins: This originates from the same time as Butch became popular in the 1950’s where lesbians were forced to choose which way they would dress in bars, or the working class lesbian couples chose to dress that way.

Lipstick Lesbian
Definition: Another term for Femme. However it can also mean feminine women who are attracted to other feminine women. It’s also used to describe women who pretend to be lesbians, just for personal gains. For example, where would the porn industry be without all those women who have sex with other women just for the money!
Origins: This is a slang term introduced in the late 1990’s.

Everything In-between!

Androgynous
Definition: A lesbian who is neither masculine nor feminine in appearance or behavior. Universally known as Unisex.

Chapstick Lesbian
Definition: Another term for Androgynous
Origins: Introduced in the late 1990’s to take on all those lipstick lesbians out there!

So there it is; my guide to lesbian terms. Short and simple, I know, but this should certainly keep you up with the rest of the pack. I often think, though, that many of the terms – such as Butch and Femme – relate to what the person is, or appears to be on the outside. All I can say is that I know some women that appear Butch on the outside but are as feminine, and soft, and flouncy, on the inside as any Femmes out there. Maybe some day these terms will evolve to describe personality, and emotions, but for now let’s just be satisfied that we finally understand what everyone’s harping on about!

You’re Not the Only Lesbian in Town!

Whether you’ve grown up all your life in a quiet, sleepy little town and just “Came Out”, or you’ve moved to the back of beyond with your partner, there’s no need to feel that you are the only lesbian – or lesbians – in town! It may seem like a sleepy, little place full of retired citizens and schoolteachers, but there’s a whole underground world out there that you haven’t explored! You’ll be surprised just how many lesbians come out of the woodwork when you know where to look. I reveal the easiest ways to find out what lesbians get up to in your local area and just how to hook up with them!

Look Online for Lesbian Groups
Something of a huge advantage to you is your PC. No home is complete without one nowadays, so get online and search for local lesbian groups in your area. It often happens that lesbians who live in remoter areas outside of major city centre gay and lesbian populations, make friends and meet up regularly by forming groups. They may just be groups that have trips to gay bars and clubs, or they may meet for a specific purpose. For example, there could be some lesbian art classes or lesbian literature groups. Just join one that sounds like your cup of tea; there’s no point in joining an art class if you hate drawing and lack any attention span! Many of them will mail out regular newsletters that you can subscribe to. These newsletters will tell you all the up-and-coming events that you can attend.

Lesbian Holidays
There are lots of companies that help to bring lesbians together by arranging lesbian-only holidays. This may only be camping in your local camp site, or walking in the nearby countryside, but if it gives you an opportunity to meet likeminded people then it’s well worth investigating. These tend to be inexpensive so don’t worry about having to take out a loan to meet other lesbians. All you’ll need is a tent, sleeping bag, and a bit of money towards food and drink, and you’ll probably have the time of your life. You never know, they may be organizing a trip to the next Gay Pride event and what better way to celebrate your sexuality than with new found friends!

Local Lesbian Bars and Clubs
You may laugh when you read this but there will probably be lesbian bars and clubs nearby to you. Sometimes they are secretive, or very well hidden, but they do exist. Once again you should use the internet as your resource as this will be able to tell you where the nearest bars and clubs are in your area – it may take you a few minutes, or a few days, to find these online, but, if you search long and hard enough, you will find them. If it feels a bit daunting heading out on your own then take a gay-friendly straight friend. They’ll probably have a whale of a time, and it will give you the opportunity to meet new people and mix in with lesbian crowds. You never know, people who you actually know may even be there; you just never knew they were lesbians!

Internet Chat Rooms
There are a lot of people out there that feel isolated from the lesbian world because of where they live, and many of them turn to internet chat rooms to find solace and comfort. However, once they step inside their first chat room they find that there are several people who live within a few miles radius of their own home chatting away! This can be a really useful way to make new friends, and potential partners. Just make sure that you can trust them implicitly before arranging to meet with them – as there can be some very sad and strange people online. You will also find that many lesbian chat rooms have message boards where you can add your own message. Why not try putting up your own asking for contact from people who live in your neck of the woods? You’ll be surprised just how many people reply!

Lesbian Magazines
You should also subscribe to lesbian magazines. They will be full of articles to keep you up to date with what’s going on in the world of lesbianism – and, quite often, they have events pages or pages of people looking for friends or relationships. You may even stumble across an advert for a local lesbian group. It’s well worth the few dollars it will cost you once a month!

Set Up Your Own
Alternatively, if all else fails and you just can’t find a group that appeals to you, or is even close by, then why not set up on your own? It’s not difficult! Offer a newsletter, set up a mini website or blog, and wait for local lesbians to start contacting you. You may need to advertise in local papers, or national magazines, if you want to organize trips or events, but you’ll be surprised just how many people will want to join!

There are so many lesbians that live near to you; you just don’t know it yet!

Cervical Cancer Risk for Lesbians

The risk factors for developing cervical cancer are the same for all women regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation (LGBT Health Education .org). That said, bisexual women and lesbians are ten times less likely to get tested for cervical cancer.

Regular screenings, however, have been shown to be the best way to catch it early when treatment options and outcomes are the best. Lesbians are less likely to get preventative healthcare out of all women and lesbians and bisexuals are less likely to have health insurance that heterosexual women. Originally, cervical cancer was the most deadly form of cancer for women. Today, with early screening, it is one of the most preventable.

Since we know now that bisexual and lesbian women are the least likely to be screened, an outreach program is underway to get cervical cancer under control, and these two groups have been designated as priority populations. In addition, black women suffer the highest mortality rates from cervical cancer, while the highest age-adjusted rates are suffered by Hispanic women. Survival rate from cervical cancer within the first five years of being diagnosed is 67.9%, but if it is found early on, the survival rate is 90.7%. That’s why it’s so important to reach out to these populations and motivate them to get regular screenings.

Smoking, immunosuppression often related to HIV, and human papilloma virus (HPV) infection are major risk factors for cervical cancer. Many in the LGBT community such as lesbian women, bisexual women and transgender men who still have a cervix have higher chances of having or developing these other conditions, and so have an increased risk of developing cervical cancer. What makes matters worse, since they are much less likely to be insured, they are less likely to seek out preventative care.

Obesity is another risk factor which is also higher among lesbians. Not as much data is available on bisexual women, though some studies show that they may have lower insurance rates and higher smoking rates, making them also more susceptible. One study found that 2.2% of bisexual women develop cervical cancer as opposed to 1.3% of heterosexual women. Hispanic and black bisexual and lesbian women should be particularly targeted for an outreach program.

Although we are seeing more and more types of studies being done concerning LGBT health, more still has to be done. We see that race and age data is often collected while sexual orientation data often slips through the cracks of the healthcare system. There has been a pivot recently. LGBT health is becoming more of a priority in communities across the country and certainly on the national front. We should see this data being collected more and issues such as this coming to the forefront, as well as policies and procedures to better address the health disparities suffered by the LGBT community.

Cervical Cancer Risk for Lesbians and WSW
Dr. M. Mirza, LGBT Health Wellness – 2015

Lesbians, women of genius

Lesbians, women of genius: Hong Kong star Denise Ho, who is mobilizing for democracy, iconic football player Megan Rapinoe who refuses to meet Trump, Adèle Haenel who broke Caesar: lesbians are making history, says activist Alice Coffin popularizing the concept of “lesbian genius.”

This article is from Libé’s feminism and sexuality newsletter L.

Lesbians have genius and we don’t know that. Collective Barbe and activist Alice Coffin from the European Lesbian Conference said, “They play a leading role in many social and political movements, and this is unspoken. There are many examples throughout history. Hong Kong pop star Denise Ho and the Umbrella Democratic movement, iconic American football player Megan Rapinoe. and refusal to see Trump in the White House, Black Lives Matter, founders of the black American movement, or tennis player Billie Jean King, who demanded equal pay to men in the 70s …

Being a lesbian is not only a romantic or sexual trend, but also a way to exist in the world. Doing it without people’s eyes will provide considerable political freedom, greater freedom of psychic thinking. “Lesbian genius is the capacity to think and grasp these mechanisms of society that are completely different from the codes prevailing in patriarchy. This genius is also the power to cultivate them, ”explains Alice Coffin. The concept was born in European militant circles, the French activist made a book for it and it was released by Grasset this spring. Speaking of lesbian genius is fighting one of the biggest discriminations lesbians suffer: invisibility. “The word ‘lesbian‘ is difficult to pronounce even in public spaces. With that word, we had to fight against Google that was sending spam messages directly,” Alice Coffin said.

Lesbian Author Patricia Highsmith

Patricia Highsmith (1921-1995) is credited with writing many novels.

Her novels are psychological thrillers. Here are just a few of them

The Price of Salt (as Claire Morgan, 1952)

The Blunderer (1954)

The Talented Mr. Ripley (1955)

Deep Water (1957) –

This Sweet Sickness (1960)

The Cry of the Owl (1962)

The Tremor of Forgery (1969) –

Ripley Under Ground (1970

Suspension of Mercy (1965)

Those Who Walk Away (1967

Edith’s Diary (1977)

An Unhappy Childhood

Patricia did not have a happy childhood. She did not meet her father until she was twelve years of age. In later years, Patricia believed that her current problems of alcoholism, anorexia and feelings of inadequacy stemmed from her repressed childhood. Her mother seems to have been cold and unloving and homophobic. Patricia would hear sentences from her mother in her teens, such as “Are you a les? because you are beginning to make noises like one.” Years later, when journalists were waiting to interview Patricia, her mother even posed as her.

College Years and Lesbian Affairs

Patricia attended Barnard University and was known to be an intellectual. She had a number of affairs with women which was easy for Patricia who was known for her beauty and her wit. Her aloof nature may have also been a challenge and an attraction. Perhaps, it was hard for Patricia to love when she had never felt love as a child.

You Will Not be a Lesbian

Her mother and other family members wanted Patricia to marry and be “cured” of her homosexuality. For whatever reason (be it money or a need to be loved), Patricia agreed to undergo a long period of psychoanalysis. It failed.

To Thine Own Self Be True

Like so many gays and lesbians, the acceptance of her own sexuality was a reward to who she was and it provided positive creativity for her bestselling novels and short stories.

An Unique Personality

It is true that Patricia had a macabre imagination. In her later years, she became increasingly anti-social and “unusual.” She developed a friendship with snails and brought them with her. She placed them in her purse.

In closing, I look at Patricia’s life and cheer her for her bravery, creativity and hope that she found love in some of her relationships.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com