Lesbians – Page 4 – news.lgbti.org

Questions That Insult Queer Women

There are some questions you’re better off knowing will likely be annoying to queer women.

Who’s the man in your relationship?
Who is the man in your relationship? Lesbian relationships involve two women and this question assumes that one of the women is acting as a man. Even if the relationship involves a more feminine woman and a butch woman, this doesn’t mean that one of them is roleplaying as a man. It’s rude to assume so.

How do you have sex?
Is this a question you would ask anybody? Why would you think that it’s appropriate to ask a lesbian or bisexual woman? And, there’s more than one way to go about having sex no matter your sexual orientation. Are you really expecting anybody you choose to provide the details of their sexual activities?

If you’ve never had sex with a man how do you know you’re a lesbian?
Answer this question yourself by asking: how do I know my sexuality if I haven’t engaged in sex with someone of the same sex?

Are you up for a threesome?
Many queer women are affected by this question– especially bisexual women. Just as many, if not more, queer women choose to be in a monogamous relationship and have no interest whatsoever in inviting anybody else to join.

You must not be bisexual anymore since you married a man
Just because a bisexual woman enters into a monogamous relationship with a man doesn’t mean that she has lost her sexuality. Although she may not continue to have sex with women, it’s very possible she’s still going to be attracted to women. The fact that she doesn’t act on it doesn’t make it less so.

You just haven’t found the right man
This assumes that queer women exist just because they’ve had unpleasant experiences with men. While it may be the case that some of them have had bad relationships with men, the same would apply to heterosexual women. Does this mean that they are going to become lesbians suddenly? No.

Life would be so much easier if I were a lesbian
Really? Probably not, especially due to the hate crimes, higher suicide rates, harassment, workplace discrimination, stigma, possible isolation from your family, and the list goes on. This is an insensitive comment to make to a queer woman. Do you really think life would be easier? Choose sensitivity; think before you speak.

What does Lesbian mean?

Lesbian is the term most commonly used to describe sexual and romantic attraction among women. This word can be used as a noun, to refer to women who identify themselves or who are considered by others as a primary attribute of female homosexuality or an adjective, to describe the characteristics of an object or activity related to female homosexuality.

The term lesbian is derived from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos and is therefore considered in some cases to be a Eurocentric category that does not necessarily represent the identities of African-Americans and other non-European ethnic groups. With that being said, individually identified individuals from various ethnic groups, including African-Americans, take the term “lesbian” as an identity tag.

For lesbians, the definition of gay women is also used.

Lesbian Flag

While it is difficult to come across lesbian pride flags in pride marches, it is a widely used flag online.

The Lesbian Flag represents L in the LGBTI+ community and comes into existence in many shades of pink.

But many of the lesbian communities prefer other symbols to represent themselves, such as the Venus symbol or the rainbow flag.

You can also see the Lesbian Pride flag in versions that are often combined with other flags, with kisses, lipstick, and Venus symbols.

A lesbian community flag with alternatives available as well.

Lesbian Relationships

Unlike a heterosexual relationship, a lesbian relationship provides more freedom than restrictions. However, eventually every lesbian relationship suffers from one common drawback: the fear of society in which one has to survive. All relationships are based on love, understanding and expectations. The same holds true for lesbian relationships. A difference of opinion occurs on grounds of whether or not the lesbian identity should be concealed from the society. Insecurity builds up if one of the partners opts to conceal the relationship from the society. Even if a lesbian couple overcomes the homophobia factor, there are other relevant issues regarding the social background, attitudes and most importantly the age difference between both the partners. In order to make any relationship a success, both the individuals need to provide enough space to each other. This might create a problem if one of the partners is dominating in nature. The other partner might feel rejected due to such demanding tendencies. It therefore becomes obvious that both the partners need to get fine tuned with each other’s behavioral patterns.

There is a common saying that “no two fingers are alike”. Unnecessary differences can lead to depression and unwanted conflicts. In case a conflict does arise, the best possible solution is to talk about it and resolve the issue there and then. To assume that time would become a healing factor can lead to inevitable break up of the relationship. One of the partners might not have an understanding nature. In such a case, it becomes the sole responsibility of the other partner to revive the existing relationship and give a new meaning to it. One must not forget that there are numerous social elements that make a lesbian relationship a hard ship to sail. If both the partners feel that there is a need of involving a mutually trusted friend to resolve the conflict, they should go ahead and do so. Usually a third person can judge better which one of the two partners is more demanding and dominating.

At the end, what needs to be remembered is that it’s always better to forgive and forget the mistakes of the one you love. Yes, this is tough, but good things don’t come that easily. The need to avoid a break up increases manifolds if the relationship is known in the society. It becomes the moral responsibility of both the partners to become strength of each other, rather than becoming a weakness. The amount of love, caring and understanding is required more in case of a lesbian relationship as compared to any heterosexual relationship.

Are You Lesbian or Bisexual?

Sexuality is full of labels, the most prominent being straight or gay. As a society we love to live in boxes or to be labeled so that we feel part of some kind of group; it helps us to become comfortable with our way of life. At some point in your existence you will find yourself thinking, “Oh I like women, therefore I must be a lesbian” or “Oh no, I like men, therefore I am heterosexual”. This is called determining your sexuality.

But what happens if you have a burning sexual attraction for both men and women?

Is this just a phase you are going through, or do you fit into the box labeled bisexual?

Being bisexual basically means that you are attracted to, and would engage in sexual activity with, both male and female partners. Bisexuals are probably the most misunderstood people in society. Lesbians and gays find it just as hard to accept as straight people that there are human beings that exist on this earth that are sexually attracted to both men and women. Bisexuals often get taunted for being the lazy sexuality, people that can’t make up their minds, or people that just won’t commit. In reality, bisexual people are those of us that can fall in love with a man, or a woman, and couldn’t care less what sex they are and what type of genitals they have. They recognize the inner being rather than the outer core.

Lesbian Or Bisexual?

We all go through a period of discovering our sexual identity. This can be during puberty, or it can take place much later on in life – especially if someone has kept their true sexuality under wraps for decades because they were afraid of rejection. It can be incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that you are sexually attracted to women, but people who are confused about their sexuality struggle even more when they can’t determine whether they like men or women more.

If you find that you can relate to this dilemma then it sounds like you are trying to determine whether you are a lesbian or a bisexual. Before anything else, start by answering the five questions below with a simple YES or NO answer.

1. Do you find both men and women attractive?
2. Is it the person rather than the gender that attracts you to people?
3. Can you be sexually aroused by both men and women?
4. Do you find yourself fantasizing about sex with both men and women?
5. Do you enjoy sex with both men and women (if you have had sex with both sexes)?

If your answer to all of these questions is yes, then you could be bisexual; ‘could’ being the operative word in this sentence. The truth is that there is no steadfast rule, or description, that you can match yourself against to say whether you are leaning towards lesbianism or bisexuality. The answer lies in the test of time. You just have to go with the flow, allow yourself to gain sexual experience, and decide for yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be labeled straight, or gay, by society just because that’s the way most people like to live. If, at this present moment in time, you want to have sex with both men and women then you should allow yourself to do so.

Then, in time, you will be able to decide for yourself whether bisexuality is your true path, or you were actually a lesbian all along but you were frightened to let go of the apron strings of heterosexuality. At the end of the day the label doesn’t matter; it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual; they are all just words that put groups of people in boxes. Maybe bisexuals break the mould, but if you love men and women then who are we to argue!

Lesbian Literature: Sub-Saharan Africa

Many Sub-Sahara African novels/ebooks depict homosexuality negatively and as a product of the West.

There are some incredible pro-gay novels.

An example is No Past, No Present, No Future (1973) by Yulisa Amadu Maddy. This novel follows the lives of three African men who migrate to Europe. One of the characters, Joe Bengoh, is homosexual and the novel not only traces his earliest experiences with a mission priest, but also explores his two friends prejudice towards him – they view homosexuality as sick and morally inferior and so reject him. In the end, however, Joe is the only one of the three whose acknowledgment of his true self does not destroy him. Another of Maddy’s novels, Our Sister Killjoy, openly discusses being lesbian.

After the end of apartheid, and the growth of LGBT rights, there was a growth of LGBT South African literature. These include Mark Behr’s Embrace (2000), Ian Murray’s For the Wings of a Dove (2000), Michiel Heyns’s The Children’s Day (2002), Barry Levy’s Burning Bright (2004) and Craig Higginson’s The Hill (2005), which all deal with boys’ developing sexuality.

Women have made a smaller contribution to LGBT literature in South Africa compared with their male counterparts.

One LGBT-themed book is Open: An Erotic Anthology by South African Women Writers (Schimke 2008), which contains a significant number of stories about being lesbian or bisexual. Other female writers who have LGBT themes in their wok include Suzy Bell, Makhosazana Xaba, Liesl Jobson, Sarah Lotz and Lauren Beukes.

Unfortunately, few works published so far examine homosexuality from a black woman’s perspective, although Jane Bennett’s collection of short stories, Porcupine (2008) includes a representation of being black and a lesbian.

Go Tell it to the Sun by Wame Molefhe has a short story “Sethuya Likes Girls Better”, depicting a married woman forced to suppress her sexuality to conform to societal pressures; while Black Bull, Ancestors and Me is a memoir of sangoma, a traditional healer and lesbian.

paula key has a comment.

I am still in the process of making my ebook stories universal. Jo of the Outback, I set in Australia and it explores the love of a white woman and aboriginal woman. (interracial).

Lt. Dee: Army Nurse, Vietnam. Explores a fictitious love in a war zone. Lieutenant Dee is from a white Mennonite family and she falls in love with an American Native Indian woman. (interracial).

Jazz: Jet Setting Carpenter. This ebook is set in London, England. She is a daughter of an Indian father and mother. Her partners are from various nationalities as she treats the city of London as her bedroom.

My intention is to set one of my next novels in Africa. I would like both women to be African. If you have any stories or it is your African lesbian story – please contact me through the comments section. I would love to invite you to be a guest writer. paula.

If you live in Africa – my ebooks are available on Amazon.com.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Lesbian Life In Morocco: Lonely and Fearful

“To live happily, live hidden.” This tends to be the slogan of the LGBTI community in Morocco. This is oneof the most liberal Muslim countries, but under the law, committing unnatural acts with the same sex is punishable. The prison terms can range from 6 months to 3 years. Todate, no lesbian has been imprisoned. Algeria and Tunisia have similar bans.

Affection in Public, but No Relationship

Affection between women is common. Girls link arms and stroll hand-in-hand. They even sit and cuddle. However, a lesbian relationship has to be secret or carried out in another country. Some lesbians are fortunate to study abroad. For straight and lesbian women marriage or escape overseas tends to be the most common way to leave the family home. Like in parts of China, the LGBTI community often has ‘arranged’ marriages.

Lonely and Fearful

The internet allows lesbians to reach gay forums world-wide; one of which is LGBT Maroc. Some of the comments and questions are sad such as “How do I become heterosexual?” There is also another internet site/forum called Lesbiennes du Maroc.

Perhaps more significantly, the government unofficially tolerates Kif-Kif, the only organization advocating for LGBT rights in Morocco. Kif-Kif’s main office sits across the border in Madrid, and its visibility is limited to low-profile conferences and Mithly, a new publication, distributed quietly, that features LGBT voices. Established six years ago, Kif-Kif has sought unsuccessfully to become a legal association in Morocco.

To our Moroccan Lesbian Sisters:

Be careful but do find love with another woman.

Paula, 2018, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Lesbian Hindu Wedding in UK

The marriage is believed to be the first female same-sex Hindu wedding to take place in Leicester, U.K. between Miriam Jefferson and Kalavati Mistry. It was a colourful ceremony as both wore traditional red and white Hindu wedding colours.

They also wore floral garlands and ‘mangala sutra’, which is a necklace traditionally tied around the bride’s neck to show she is now married.

Different Birth Places – One Love

Kalavati is from Leicester while Miriam is a native of Texas, U.S.A Kalavati grew up in a traditional Hindu household. She came out to her family and wanted an Hindu wedding.

Miriam met Kalvati in the year 2000 while when the English woman came to America for working purposes.

One Wedding is NOT Enough!

Miriam grew up in a Jewish household. Earlier in 2017, both women had a Jewish wedding in San Antonio, Texas. This is the home town of Miriam.

Love is the foundation of all religions, and both women have found this gift in their life together.

Lesbian Prime Minister Walks in Belgrade Pride

Serbian Prime Minister Ana Brnabić marched in Belgrade Pride today.

The openly-lesbian Prime Minister is the first leader to ever march in a Balkan Pride event.

In a speech on the day, she said: ‘Many criticize me.

‘As a representative of the state, I am proud that our country has adopted anti-discrimination laws.

‘The level of discrimination of minority groups and members of national communities is in decline,’ she added.

‘The answer to the expression of hatred must be something else’

In a powerful message of solidarity to Serbian LGBTI people, Ana Brnabić said: ‘After an undoubted decrease in the number of physical attacks on people who are different from the majority, it is equally important that we stop hurting ourselves with words.

‘No matter how much pain a slap in the face may cause, the weight of a word is often far more painful,’ she said.

Serbian folk singer and human rights activist Jelena Karleua also joined the march.

She wrote on Instagram: ‘And you who hate and write sick comments full of hate, you are guilty.

17 September 2017

Lesbian Muslim Runs for Atlanta City Council

Liliana Bakhtiari was born in Atlanta Georgia and attended her first protest march when she was 8 years old.

Liliana’s father is a first generation Iranian immigrant that engaged in community service and acts of social justice. Her mother put Liliana’s father through university where he became a pharmacist. Working as a young person in her father’s pharmacy, Liliana was exposed to the poverty of Sweet Auburn, a district of Atlanta. Her father made medicine affordable to people who could not access it.

She is now running for Atlanta City Council.

Facing Racism in School

In various interviews, Liliana reports the hurtful racism that she endured in school. In high school racist taunts such as “how many goats would she be worth on her wedding day?” Due to traditional practises, Liliana was not allowed to shave her legs or trim her eye brows. These practises only added to the racism she endured.

University a Place of Shelter and Education

State of Georgia

At Georgia State University, Liliana felt freedom and equality amongst her peers. It was in Liliana’s nature to travel and volunteer. To date, she has visited 22 countries in Africa, Asia, Australia and Central and South America.

Travelling was dedicated work that involved working with genocide and sex trafficking victims in Cambodia.

She has worked with torture victims and refugees in Thailand, Vietnam and Laos. Liliana is the type of person who works physically, emotionally and mentally. She is a ‘hands on’ person who has been involved in the building of houses and composting toilets. On her journeys she became concerned about food accessibility and water scarcity. Being involved in this type of work changes a person for ever. I have personally known volunteers that could not adjust to their return to first world consumerism and the apathy towards developing countries and their economic problems.

Liliana Returns to Atlantic and Activism

Liliana was upset with the gap between her state of Georgia’s rich, middle class and very poor. She noticed the plight of the homeless and lack of affordable housing. Public transportation was in need of upgrading as were the needs of the jobless and senior citizens.

One of her ventures was serving on the board of Lost-n-Found Youth, a nonprofit organization that works with homeless LGBTI youths.

At home, Bakhtiari continued her activism, advocating for underserved communities and serving on the board of Lost-n-Found Youth, a nonprofit that works with homeless LGBTI youths.

Running for Office

It is Liliana’s hope that if elected for public office she can make a difference to the problems that she been actively engaged in. Liliana knows that it will be challenging for her as a woman, a Muslim and a lesbian.

She states that President Trump is a direct attack of all these three things that identify her. He attacks women, Muslims and encourages the extreme right-wing evangelicals to discriminate against LGBTI persons through “religious freedom.”

I wish Liliana every success in her crusade against injustice as it affects minorities, the poor, seniors, the jobless, the homeless, Muslims and other religious minorities and lastly the LGBTI community.