Transgender – news.lgbti.org

Telling Your Family That You’re Gay

Before you think about how to come out to your family, what’s most important is that you feel a sense of acceptance in yourself about your sexual orientation and/or gender identity and your reasons for coming out. As you begin to acknowledge to yourself that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans, it is very common to experience guilt, shame, doubt and confusion.

The effects of a lifetime of negative social messages, discrimination and, for some, violence cannot be erased overnight. This can be a difficult time and it can be helpful to talk to a counsellor or friend to help prepare you emotionally to come out. Involvement in a local coming out group may also help you with your own process.

Even in a climate where the LGBTI community has begun to fight back and demand rights, recognition and protection under the law, social attitudes and belief systems continue to discriminate. Although social attitudes such as homophobia and transphobia affect all of us, many members of the LGBTI community confront other forms of discrimination as well, such as racism, ageism, sexism, etc. All or some of these social attitudes may influence your coming out experience.

Although homophobia and transphobia exist in all cultures, the degree of acceptance of LGBTI identities varies across cultural and religious communities. For some of us, the loss of family and/or membership in our cultural community, silence, hostility or even violence are very real consequences to coming out. If this is your reality, you need to realistically assess the risks involved. If you decide to come out, but are concerned about your family’s reaction, you should work with a counsellor or friend to develop a plan that will ensure your safety.

Family reactions

As you begin to feel the first inklings of pride and entitlement to be who you are, you can’t help feeling that family, friends and the rest of the heterosexual world will see you as different. One of the things we know is that prejudice and discrimination do change over time and it is usually exposure to that which is different that helps to change negative attitudes. When it comes to family members and in particular parents finding out they have a LGBTI child, it is those historically negative ideas about homosexuality that first concern them.

Some thoughts that cross many parents’ minds include:

“If being gay is sick, perverted and unnatural, and my child says they’re gay, I must have been a bad parent.”

“Lesbians are treated badly in employment and housing situations and lead isolated lonely lives outside the mainstream. I don’t want my child to suffer.”

“Being trans is seen as sick and perverted by many people. How will other family, friends and work mates see me if my child is trans?”

Dealing with cultural issues

If you have strong ties to a particular cultural community, your parents may be concerned with how your coming out will be perceived by the community and how it will affect their position within it. Many individuals report that cultural values, such as not talking about or displaying emotions, get in the way of them sharing their sexual orientation or gender identity with their parents. In many cultural communities, being LGBTI is considered to be a North American problem, thus the preferred response to your coming out may be to deny your reality and to become more strict about having you conform to cultural norms and expectations. Coming out may also feel like you need to choose between your cultural identity and your sexual orientation. This is even more difficult when you experience the LGBTI community as being insensitive to your cultural identity. There are groups and associations for LGBTI individuals from specific cultural communities. They can help you find culturally appropriate information, images and supports for you and your family.

If you are coming out as trans

Although years of activism have improved the lives of many members of the LGBTI community, trans individuals are still the focus of much discrimination and violence. If you are coming out to your parents as trans, you may face challenges relating to the lack of information and positive images that are available regarding trans folks, particularly individuals from specific cultural communities. The lack of information available about trans people and their experiences is directly related to the confusion and hostility that many parents may feel when their child comes out as trans. Trans identities also lead to confusion regarding the issue of sexual orientation, so your parents may wonder whether your new gender identity also means that you are gay or lesbian. Transphobia can combine with homophobia to make coming out a very challenging and anxiety-provoking experience.

Consult the list of resources on this website for books and articles that can help you come out to your parents, as well as the list of links that we have provided for trans positive services and web sites.

Most parents want the best for their children and if they know that what’s best is to be true to yourself and live who you are, they will gradually come to accept, not only that they have a gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans child and that it wasn’t their fault, but that their child will live a fulfilling life.

Before you tell your family

Before you tell them, you need personal time to come to terms with your new self-understanding. It’s also helpful to have support from others who have gone through this process. Keep in mind there is likely at least one other gay, lesbian or bisexual person in your family tree, either from previous generations or who is currently alive. One of the fun aspects of coming out to yourself is going over your family tree and identifying those who may have been LGBTI. This is often not the case for trans folks as they are still fighting for the right to live out and proud.

With your new awareness you may discover there were clues all along that you didn’t recognize because of secrecy and shame. We often hear from individuals, struggling with coming out to their family, that they fear the news will “kill” their parents. Although it may be difficult in the beginning and your parents and family may initially reject you , most, particularly those who had a good relationship with their children, accept the news over time.

Many people who’ve come out also find that their relationship with their parents eventually improves because of the increased openness and honesty that comes with sharing this knowledge. Many also experience a great sense of relief in knowing that they no longer need to keep their true identity a secret.

It is important that you communicate to your parents that you love them, are not trying to hurt them and that, whether you are coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans, you are still the same person that they love. Consider sharing with them your story of coming out to yourself, as well as the resources that you found helpful during this time. This may include books, films, friends, allies, and counselors. Above all, be patient. Recall how long it took for you to come to terms with your new identity and give your parents the time to do the same.

There are many ways you can tell your family:

The most common first step for many LGBTI is to confide in a sibling (if you have one), cousin, uncle or aunt; one who you feel will accept and support you in telling other family members.
When you’re ready to tell your parents, you might want to start with the parent to whom you feel the closest.
Instead of telling them in person, another option is to write your parents a letter. This gives your parents time to reflect on what you have told them and decide how to respond.
When you meet with your parents, either after you’ve sent a letter, or to tell them for the first time, you might want to consider bringing along a supportive friend or family member.

Older Transgender Adults Face Unique Challenges

Current older transgender adults came of age during a time when they would have been even more pathologized and stigmatized than today. So, many did not even come out, instead keeping their identities hidden for decades and many are now coming out and transitioning later in life. While the older transgender population shares some of same obstacles frequent in the broader older LGBTI+ population, there are some differences. Since the older growing transgender population exists, there is a critical need to know the challenges that pose threats to their overall health and well-being.

Our current Aging Services Network is not equipped to provide decent and non-discriminatory services to older adults who are transgender, even though it provides a variety of services for older adults in general such as legal help, educational activities, meals and transportation. Older transgender adults have unique needs, and there are not many providers who offer outreach and training specifically to help the transgender population. As a result, many older transgender adults are not getting needed support, and they’re often hesitant to seek services at all.

Barriers due to a lack of clinical and cultural competence regarding transgender people and their health needs, and discrimination and bias, prevent quality care. This, along with financial barriers, means that many older transgender adults delay or avoid seeking medical care. This specific care is frequently excluded from private and public insurance plans. Declining health is a result of the inability to access important and needed care. Preventative and other medical care older transgender adults need is often denied due to the their exclusion from plans.

Transgender people report higher rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, suicidal ideation, disability and general poor health. As a consequence, many elderly transgender people have severe health concerns as they enter their later years without community and social support that is desperately needed.

Other barriers older transgender people face are in the areas of employment and housing discrimination, violence, privacy, and social support.

Supporting a Partner going through Gender Transition

Gender transition can be equally as stressful on relationships as it can before the individual. Recognizing and caring for the difficulty of this process can help maintain a strong relationship with a partner.

Immediately, understand they are going to feel a lot of stress. They may be questioning their decision, which can bring up issues from the past and other complex identity questions. It’s important for anyone whose partner is going through gender transition to be supportive and to show their support in a way that will help the partner feel soothed and loved.

Before your partner starts hormone replacement therapy, if you so have the option, research what side effects they may encounter. There are some myths even in the transgender community of how taking hormones will affect a person. For instance, some believe that taking testosterone will make one become aggressive or more libidinous. But in fact, they will mostly be the same person. Read up on reliable, medical websites, go to the doctor with your partner, do some deep research in the library and get all the facts. Make sure you know what’s true, and what is just a myth, because misunderstandings can cause communication problems. This is a time when you want to be supportive of your partner, not arguing with them.

Some worry that they won’t be accepted by friends, or the community, or won’t be able to related to self-representations in media because no community, characters or personalities will fit. Instead, make sure that your partner has the opportunity and support to reach out to the people that are closest to them. Invite them over. Have a party. Show support and love. Let them see and feel that it’s not the community they identify with but the people who are closest to them that will really matter, and who will really support them.

Be okay with your partner’s new identity. The transition is not instantaneous or full. But come to be okay with how they will be, intend to be, knowing the essential core components of who they are will always be there. Practice referring to your lover in the pronoun they prefer, and have them say it for themselves as well. Understand their family situation and be sympathetic. Be available to help them with any caregiving they need, including their injections.

If you really love your partner, embrace this phase of their life. Be sure to find out who your supportive people are and take of yourself as well.

What is Cisgender Privilege?

First, it’s helpful to know what the term “cisgender” means. This means that a person’s gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth and then a person’s gender matches the gender by which others perceive them. The term has been around for over 25 years and is used a lot in educational settings, particularly when discussing gender identity and expression in trans and queer communities.

Cisgender privilege shows how gender/sex alignment means being free from having to think about or address things that those who are not cisgender do quite frequently.

The following are some examples of privileges you might have if you are cisgender:

You are not misgendered. People refer to you by the correct pronouns every day.
People do not ask you nosy questions about you are genitalia, what type of medical procedures you’ve had, and your real gender is not in question, or connected with the genitalia another assumes you have.
You are able to get into sex segregated facilities such as bathrooms and events that are in alignment with your gender identity without being questioned, refused, or at risk of harassment or even physical violence.
When you search for employment, housing, banks, go to vote or receive medical treatment, you don’t have to worry about your gender or what others perceive your gender to be.
In the unfortunate event that you are a victim of physical and/or sexual assault, you don’t have to fear being blamed because of your gender expression or identity and you don’t have to fear that the attacker will be allowed a reduced sentence due to what is called “trans panic defense.” Some in the law profession still believe this argument is viable and that it partially excuses violent assault or even homicide.

Cisgender privilege is incredibly wide-ranging. It’s a lot for the non-privileged person to have to deal with on a daily basis and leaves little else for them to think about. This includes those who were incorrectly sex-assigned at birth and those who make a choice to present as a different gender, as they are distinct from each other.

Don’t be mistaken, many gay, bisexual, and lesbian folks have cisgender privilege. For example, it’s very possible for a gay man to be gender-conforming. The fact he presents physically as a man means that he won’t be challenged when attempting to use male designated facilities or attend events for men. On the other hand, if a heterosexual man was sex-assigned female at birth, he may face his life being challenged or harassed for not being “man enough.”

If you recognize yourself as cisgender, perhaps you’ll understand privileges you’ve previously taken for granted and try to help those you know who are gender non-conforming or transgender.

10 Things Transgender Men Would Like You To Know

Transgender persons exist in a subculture within a subculture, one that, in the mainstream, is not always well-accepted or even simply understood. To be a trans ally, to be considerate of the lives and social experience of trans individuals, might require that you reevaluate your relationship with the transgender individuals in your life. Trans men, specifically, have a distinct experience from trans women — here is what you should know:

You’re guilty by association.
You’ll have more questions asked about them than they will. This is because people who are curious and confused will often feel more free to ask someone for information when they feel that the person shares a similar experience. You should talk to your trans friend about what they’re comfortable with you sharing in these situations. If the case is that they prefer not to be outed, tell them simply that it’s not your place to answer those questions. If they’re open about their transition, try to find out how to answer or divert these questions.

“But you’ll always be _____ to me” is hurtful.
It’s one thing seeing a relative you haven’t since they were a small child, saying they’ll always be so-and-so to you, but different when relating with a transgender person. Telling your friend that you still see them as someone other than who they are is hurtful.

Outing someone can be incredibly dangerous.
There is an overwhelming amount of ignorance/hatred toward trans people, despite some media and support. Hundreds of transgender people are murdered yearly; there are no and/or failed protection laws in place. Even if you think talking about your transgender friend in public is OK, the wrong person could overhear this and tell another friend, and that friend tells another–this could lead to some serious danger.

The dysphoria is not your fault.
You might feel like you’re responsible for their happiness, but sometimes their sadness comes from a place you’ll never be able to reach. Trying to make your friend feel better by telling them you love their breasts, or you like them just the way they are, isn’t necessarily supportive. It means you’ve created an image of who they are that doesn’t match up with reality.

It’s not the “T”.
It’s a huge moment in life to begin hormone replacement therapy. Your friend might lash out afterwards and blame it on the testosterone. They’re aware of the emotional changes that happen and realize their mood swings/imbalance are theirs to control.

Don’t walk on eggshells.
It’s easy to get hung up on words and just avoid conversations as a result. You’re there for your friend and it shows that you care. Many transgender people lose or don’t have a support system when they come out…the fact that you’re with them is meaningful.

Don’t date them despite their trans status.
Make sure you are interested in dating them for who they are, not despite their transgender status. You’re not doing them any favors by being interested in them ‘even though’ they’re transgender.

Don’t talk behind their back.
Talk to them about it; learn their

Pronouns are mean a lot.
They have likely chosen a new name and have preferred gender pronouns. Learn them. Sure, you might mess up in the beginning, but it’ll be obvious when you genuinely care and are trying!

Being A Better Trans Ally: Gender Pronouns

Many of us are so used to having conversations that involve a limited amount of pronouns that we take for granted (he/she, his/her, they/theirs) because (when speaking English) we must assign a gender when we’re speaking about one person. We need to understand that others, particularly trans people, ask to be referred to by different pronouns than we might assume we should use.

Singular pronouns such as “ze” and “hir” are the more common new ones for those not wishing to use “he” or “she”. Changing pronouns can be a significant part of coming out as trans. This can sometimes cause a lot of emotional pain when they’re met with negative responses, even violence. Here are some major reasons why it is incredibly important to use the correct gender pronouns as a trans ally:

We’re helping shape our culture with language

Language is very powerful and we often take the words we use for granted, passing them off as insignificant, gender pronouns included. Language spreads more quickly than ever now due to Internet and social media sites. We are validating and making visible those who wish to be described and identified in a way that doesn’t fit into a strict gender binary. Using the correct gender pronouns, even when we’re not with our loved one, is important and respectful.

We’re showing respect to their reality

Trans people are often told what’s best for them by doctors, politicians, schools, and anyone else who wants to deny their reality with a gender pronoun or name that invalidates who they really are. It’s not up to us to decide who they are, but to show them the same respect we would want in life.

We’re holding the media responsible

The media frequently ignores the requests of trans people who state their gender pronoun preference. Many allies and activists have prompted change in news organizations, leading them to change their protocol on gender pronouns. It’s important to keep using our voices.

We’re fighting transphobia and sexism

In our culture, it’s seen as bad or wrong to not fit within the male/female binary, acting outside of the gender of which our culture assigns us. It’s not up to others to assign anything to us — and we need to realize that if we’re not transgender, and bring clarity to the obvious lack of understanding surrounding these cultural differences. If you support gender equality, you’re playing a big part in walking the talk by being a trans ally.

We’re educating the community

It’s normal for some folks, activists included, to be confused by different pronouns. It’s important to learn them and then be patient as we’re educating others. As allies, if we consistently use terms that are a true reflection of a person’s gender, we’re not only educating by example, we’re encouraging use of the proper terms by others in the community. If it seems like a lot of work, just remember, it’s completely necessary and worth our attention.

Sexuality a Difficult thing for Trans People

Though most people take sex and sexuality for granted, it can be a difficult anxiety-ridden experience for trans people. First, the ignorance of the medical community has made trans people wary of how they are perceived. There are things that need to be said, red tape and bureaucratic hoops that one has to jump through to get access to hormone therapy. That is something many trans people believe helps them physically be who they feel they are inside.

Today, the trans community looks out for one another and tells the younger members what to do to survive. For trans women, one of the major issues with hormone therapy is that it often blocks patients sex drive. However, they also feel judged emotionally for wanting sex in the first place, as our society still isn’t comfortable with the female libido or female sexual expression. Sometimes these issues or the journey one has made can be things that can come between a trans person and their lover. Instead of concentrating on the other person, the ghosts of these conversations and experiences can haunt a person.

The next problem is their genitalia. Trans people wonder whether or not their partners will be understanding, interested, has a fetish or will be disgusted by how they look. These complications can cause anxiety. Also, if the person likes something but women aren’t supposed to like that thing, more confusion can be brought into the mix, which doesn’t really help matters.

When trans people are interested in someone, they have to talk to them know about their situation, which can become embarrassing. It can raise a red flag; suddenly a hook up isn’t so simple anymore. The person may wonder if the other is squeamish about seeing them naked. Though many people have felt this way, it’s a different matter when your sex organs don’t match your gender preference.

If you are going to be with a trans person, don’t automatically assume that you should talk about everything, establish some rapport first. Open the lines of communication, feel things out, and make them comfortable. Find out what they do and don’t like, tell them your preferences. It’s like being with any other lover. Just try to let them know that their situation is more than okay with you.

Getting Hold of Transsexual Hormone Replacement Therapy

Transsexual hormone replacement therapy helps those who feel they were born in the wrong body transition to what they feel is their proper sex. Many transgender feel discrimination for not having an easily distinguished gender. Hormone therapy helps them easily blend in and not become a target for discrimination.

Those who live near a metropolitan area should be able to gain access to hormone replacement therapy rather easily. First, make sure you are mentally prepared to take the theerapy. If you are severely dysphoric, you may need to seek the help of a certified mental health professional; preferably one that you trust and has experience assisting with someone in your situation. If you are on a constrained budget, try looking into LGBTI advocacy groups in your area that may be able to offer help. Also consider universities in your vicinity, as many offer psychological services on a sliding scale.

Doubting one’s transsexuality may cause psychological issues when hormone therapy begins to change your body. Always consult a physician about hormone therapy before you begin but throughout the process. You need to be carefully monitored to make sure no abnormalities occur. Think of all the questions you have, do thorough research and be sure to ask your doctor. Remember to advocate for your health when you don’t think you are being heard or your questions are not being answered.

Avoid healthcare providers that go by the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care guidelines drafted by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), or what was originally known as the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association (HBIGDA). Therapist intervention levels are high with these guidelines and without meeting these standards, they may block your access to hormone therapy. There are many doctors out there who require these Standards of Care before even approaching your case.

There is another set of guidelines that will give you easier access to hormone therapy with little to no therapist’s intervention. Instead look for doctors and clinics who stick to the Tom Waddell Standards; like a physician in the free clinics in San Francisco. Dr. Tom Waddel personally penned these standards from his own experiences with the transgendered. While you may have to attend group meetings, the standards he implements are very straight forward.

It can be difficult finding a particular clinic’s standards. The best advice is to ask others in the transgender community. Find out which doctor or doctors they used and who they recommend. You can also check the internet for clinics in your area that provide hormone therapy. Just remember to get official help, as too little or too many hormones in the body can cause many serious health problems.

First Transgender Islamic School in Pakistan

A madrasah “islamic school” for trans people was opened for the first time in Pakistan.

Rani Khan, who taught the Koran in the first madrasah for transgender people in a country where the ‘third gender’ was officially recognized and the Transgender People (Protection of Rights) Act passed parliament in 2018, said, “Most families do not accept transsexuals. They throw them out of their homes. “I was one of them, too,” said.

Islamabad Deputy Commissioner Hamza Shafqaat said that the madrasa can help trans people to participate actively in society and said, “I hope things will be better if this model is implemented in other cities.”

In Pakistan, where trans rights are legally protected, LGBTI+ individuals are still discriminated against. In the census conducted in 2017, it was recorded that approximately 10 thousand trans people lived in Pakistan. Trans rights groups stated that in the country with a population of 220 million, this number may now be over 300 thousand.

Previously, a madrasah for trans people was opened in Dhaka, the capital city of Bangladesh.

Trans Woman Killed in Izmir

It was learned that a trans woman, whose body was found wrapped in a blanket, was killed by hitting the head with a hard object in the Bornova district of Izmir.

When the bad odors started coming from the apartment of the trans woman using the name “Miraş Güneş”, who had not been heard from her for a while and who was filed for disappearance by his relatives, the residents of the building reported the situation to their relatives.

While it was learned that Yüksel was killed by shooting his head with a hard object, crime scene investigation teams made examinations inside the house.

It was determined that Yüksel lost his life after the checks carried out by the healthcare teams upon the notification.

After the prosecutor’s investigations, Yüksel’s lifeless body was taken to the morgue of the Izmir Forensic Medicine Institute for autopsy.

Izmir/Turkey